Arrivederci
by MartaSwan
Summary: Carlisle's and Esme's story.A story of love.Tenderness.Loneliness.And life, because it can be hard and cruel, but it's still beautiful.A story that is an example of how with bad, come good too.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hello everyone! It's me again! Ok so I'm really bored (I have more or less 160 pages of latin and greek hw to do due 2 weeks, but I'm not doing them, so I'm bored) so I, while I was in my hotel room I started thinking about yet another Carlisle 1shot. It's really pointless and I think it sucks a little, it's not edited so it'll be horrible on the grammar side. But I decided to post it anw. Stupid, I know.**

**Well, good reading!:P**

" So Miss Platt, what have you done to be in this condition?" the doctor asked the young girl who was lying in the hospital bed of the Columbus Hospital.

" I fell from a tree sir" answered back politely the young girl.

" I see, well let me check the injuries" said the doctor, lifting up his face looking the girl's one for the first time. He remained awestruck by what he saw.

The young girl, reading her cartel, was sixteen, had light blue eyes, quite full pink lips and long caramel hair that reached her petite shoulders. She had the most sweet face he ever saw in his entire time on this planet.

He started to do his job. The job he fought and worked so hard to be able to do.

He slowly controlled her leg. When he touched her skin he was embraced by the most wonderful sensation.

Her skin.

Her skin was pink and delicate at sight, but touching it was another thing, entirely.

It was extremely soft, slightly warm and flawless. And believe him because he had and very enhanced sense of touch.

Then he was hit by her smell. She smelled like honey, he could almost fell the sugar in his mouth, taste her. So warm, so intense, but delicate, so…sweet.

But that didn't distracted him. He wasn't too much tempted. She wasn't his cantante, luckily.

" It's broken" he stated to the girl, who was looking at him, her head tilted to her side, a hint of curiosity in her young eyes.

"Oh" was all she said. She continued looking at the doctor, a smile on her face.

" I'm sorry, but what is your name sir?" she questioned while he stood up from his crouching position beside her bed.

" My name is Carlisle Cullen, Miss Platt. Nice to meet you" he smiled at her and for some seconds she couldn't either blink or breathe.

Then, Miss Platt, extended a hand to him, supposedly for shake it.

"I'm Esme, Esme Platt, please don' t call me Miss. It sound weird and cold. I'd prefer Esme" and, said that, she smiled again.

" Alright, Esme. So, it's only fair if you call me Carlisle" he said back.

" Oh, no, I can't" she was slightly embarrassed.

" And can I ask you why, Miss Esme?" he asked leaning toward her. It was more like bent down to her.

" Well, because you are a man, a doctor" she said like it was obvious.

" So?" the doctor was genuinely surprised.

" So, it's not respectful. A young lady can't talk like that to a man. Thinking of it, I was very inappropriate before. I apologize doctor Cullen" she lowered her head.

" I don't think so. I'd really like if you call me by my name, Miss Platt. But if you don't want, I completely understand and I won't be offended in any way" he was serious and truthful.

"If you wish so" the girl said shyly.

" I wish so" he smiled , then checked his watch " Well, now I must go to other patients. I will return later, in the evening. Bye, Esme" he was still smiling.

" Bye, doc- Carlisle" .

When he closed the door Esme found her heart beating madly and a strange feeling on her cheeks. They were warmer than the rest of her body.

For the first time in her sixteen years of life, she blushed.

The day passed quickly and boringly for Doctor Cullen. He loved his job, but that day there wasn't much interesting to do.

He had to admit, however, that Esme girl was definitely interesting. She was so young and innocent, so full of life and shy. It was really a good girl. Sure, in his eyes she was a child. Like a daughter, if you want to put it in this way, like Edward was a son in his eyes.

He found himself thinking of her numerous times during the day.

After many patients, after dinner time, he decided to go to her room, to see how she was doing.

" So, Esme, how are you doing?"

" Fine, but my leg hurts".

"I'm sorry, medicines do what they can" he sounded really sad for her, and that made her feel guilty.

"Oh, well is not that much. I can resist" she smiled to confirm her words.

After that there was a long silence.

Doctor Cullen knew that he should had went away from her room long ago, but he couldn't make himself leave.

"So, where do you live, if I can ask, Doctor Cullen? I never saw you around. Well I'm not from here, but I come frequently so…" she was afraid she had said too much.

"Carlisle" he sighed.

"Carlisle" she nodded, correcting herself.

" Well I live a little out of town" he responded gently.

Esme was dying for ask a question. She made up the courage and said the words.

"With who?" she played with her fingers, more like tortured them.

" With my younger brother" he answered. He consider Edward more a son than a brother, but this was the story they told.

"Oh, I see" she was somewhat relieved. He wasn't married. Not that that meant he was interested in her, but…Did she want, in the end, he interested in her? She wasn't so sure. This was one of the rare times she was truly confused.

"What about you, Esme? You said you don't live here, so where do you live?" he politely asked her.

" Well, I live in farm, my parents' farm with them. It's not near here. We went here because my doctor wasn't in town and the hospital was the nearest thing".

"I understand" another sigh.

"Well I deduce you live among animals. Isn't that …how do you say…gross, for a young lady like you?"

"Oh no, I like animals. I love them. Horse is my favourite animals, I had one but he died three months ago" she saddened thinking about her loved horse, a gift her parents gave her when she was ten.

"I'm sorry" Carlisle said, felling guilty for made her think about sad things.

"There's no problem at all, Carlisle. Sooner or later, we had to say goodbye" she maturely mused.

"Do you like animals, Carlisle?" she suddenly asked.

He laughed to himself at the ambiguity of her question.

"Yes, you could say I like animals" he responded trying to hold his laughter.

The girl's eyes sparkled "Really? What's your favourite?"

And so they continued talking all night, and Esme easily forgot the pain her broken leg caused her. Without notice it they stayed up all night, till dawn broke in the hospital room.

"Well, it's pretty early, Esme. You played dirty, I shouldn't have stayed with you. You needed, and need, rest" he said partially jokingly, partially seriously. He got up from the chair he sat all night.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle."

They looked at each other.

"So, will I see you tomorrow?" she asked hopeful.

"I'm afraid not Esme. Tomorrow I'll leave the town, I got a new job in another hospital. And you don't need to stay in hospital anymore" he was a little sad at the idea of leaving her.

"Oh" she tried to hide her sadness.

"So, is this a goodbye, Carlisle? I will never see you again?" she fought back tears.

"No, it's not a goodbye. It's an arrivederci , Esme" he said with a little smile.

"Arrivederci?" she asked confused, tilting her head.

"Yes, it's an Italian word. I don't believe there is a translation in English" he then thought about it " Well, more or less, is a 'bye' but it's somewhat more formal. It's not a goodbye, however".

"Yes, but what it means, if it's not a goodbye?"

"It's like a ' see you in the future, see you soon'" he explained her.

Understanding crossed Esme features, that brightened instantly.

"I like it! I hate goodbyes" then she added " Goodbyes are sad, don't you think Carlisle?" his name ran on her tongue like it was made for be pronounced by her.

"Yes, goodbyes are sad" he stared deeply into these wonderful , full of life, innocent light blue eyes.

"So, do you think we will really meet again?" she smiled.

"Yes, Esme, I think we will meet each other, again" and, surprisingly, he really believed it.

"Then, arrivederci Carlisle" she waved at him.

"Arrivederci, Esme" and said that he walked out the door and went home, directed towards his and Edward's house, ready to live another town, another life.

But before they crossed the town limits, he threw a last glance at the hospital and mentally added

"See you soon".

**A/N: ok so here I am. Hope it wasn't too atrocious. If it was sorry. Feel free to flame, if you have at least read it…:P**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n: Here we go with chap two! Sorry for the wait…thanks to my reviewers! Love you!**

After the leaving of Doctor Cullen, Esme fell in a peaceful sleep. She dreamt of horses, new countries, the ocean and all the things she would had loved to do in the future.

These dreams gave her a feeling of joy, not because the things in the dream, but because the people who were in it.

Or better, a person.

Even better, The person.

Doctor Cullen. Carlisle.

When she woke up, she saw her mother sitting on her bed, watching her carefully, her eyebrows narrowed together at the point Esme was sure the could touch.

"Mom, are you alright?" she asked, leaning on her forearms.

"Oh Esme, you had me so worried!" she said.

"Oh mom, there's no need to worry. I only broke my leg, it happens" she said, trying to reassure her.

Her mother looked out the window; the sun shines touched her not so young face.

"Your father is very upset with you Esme, you know" she said still looking out the window.

Esme lowered her head; she knew her father was a little upset with her. He was always very demanding with her. She didn't think he would have been so upset.

"I know, is he here?" she asked, but she knew he probably stayed at home. Columbus wasn't very far from home, but it wasn't so near. He wouldn't have wanted to drive for such a distance.

"Yes, he's outside the room," Esme was surprised, but then her mother added "he accompanied me because the other car is broken." Now Esme understood why her father was here.

Her mother didn't know how to drive a car, so her father's presence was obligatory.

"I see" she said.

Toc. Toc.

Someone was knocking at the door, then, without waiting for an answer, a man with a white coat entered the room.

"Hello Miss Platt, I'm doctor Roberts, how are you? Do you fell tired? Does your leg hurt? " he asked her while writing on her cartel. He didn't even look at her.

"Hum, yes thank you, my leg doesn't hurt."

He then looked up at with a bored face and a flat voice told her : "That's good. So you can go home now if you wish, but if you don't feel well you can stay here and we'll do other exams," it sounded like a treat.

"We'll go" Esme's mother said looking at her feet. It seemed to Esme that her mother was somewhat scared of men, not only stranger men, but of her father too.

So she and her mother started to pack the few things she had in the hospital room and with the help of a nurse the started to walk through the corridor.

When they were near the hall of the Hospital, Esme turned her head to take one last glance and saw a tall, blonde man with his shoulder towards her.

Her heart started to beat in a way she thought impossible.

"Doctor Cullen!" she thought, excited but nervous at the same time. What would had he think if he saw her in those condition? She certainly wasn't decent!

She was ready to call him, even with her mother at her side, even before everyone on the hall, when…

The tall, blonde man turn around and Esme found out he wasn't Doctor Cullen.

She had almost tears in her eyes for the disappointment.

She was a bit embarrassed by her thoughts. Why would Doctor Cullen be there, anyway? He said he would have left, and he did it. It's not like he didn't said goodbye. It's not like he **had **to say goodbye, she thought sadly.

Her face fell so much, even her mother noticed.

"Esme dear, are you alright? Does you leg hurt?" her mom worriedly, stopping for a moment.

She faked happy.

"Oh, no mother. Everything is fine, thanks," with some effort, she smiled. It was more like a grin.

They exited from the hospital a directed towards the car, where, at the driver seat, there was her father, a angry look on his face.

"It was time! Could have you been more slow? What a wife…" he said angrily at Esme's mother.

"Good morning father. How are you today?" Esme politely asked her father, even if she didn't feel so much respect for him.

"Come on, you snail!" he not so politely answered her.

"Yes, father" she said smiling, out of habit.

They drove silently for an hour and half till they were finally home.

Home, sweet home, Esme thought.

She walked slowly, she had still her cast on, towards the stable. She wanted to say hi to her beloved horses.

That night, soon after she went sleep, she heard uproar outside the house. She went at the window and looked out. Her father and the veterinary were running toward the stable.

She made her way to her parents' room, against the doorframe was leaning her mother, still in her nightgown.

"What's happening, mother?" Esme asked worriedly.

"Ginevra. She's giving birth." She said.

" Oh, I forgot"

She then proceeded down the stairs and toward the stable, where she saw the cutest little horse ever.

Her eyes teared up at the sight of the mother with her baby.

"Is it a male or a female?" she asked.

"Esme, go inside now! You're not decent!" he father shouted angrily at her, his eyes almost red.

"So?" she persisted.

"It's a male" the veterinary said smiling, not noticing her clothes, or the lack of them. He had more serious things to think about.

"How will you name it?" the veterinary asked Esme's father, but the question was for her.

"I don't know…it's such a silly thing…Esme, name it!" he ordered her daughter.

She thought for a brief moment, and then she had the idea.

The idea who brought tears to her eyes.

"Can we name it Carlisle?" she timidly asked, as if asking for permission.

"Do as you like" her father told her.

"Then Carlisle is!" the veterinary said, almost shouting.

"Welcome Carlisle" she said sweetly, looking at a pair of topaz eyes.

**A/n: So another chap is done. Sorry for the wait, but I had to finish homework, school is starting Monday. I'm soooo depressed.**

**Anw I need a Beta! Please Pm me if you want…or can…**

**Sorry for grammar and spelling…I write it in a rush…and it's 0.13 am here so…forgive me.**

**Next chap we'll see Carlisle!**

**baci**


	3. Chapter 3

**An: so here'****s chapter 3. I didn't get reviews last time but it's not important. The important thing is that people are reading my work so…on with the chapter!**

"Where are we directed?" the young boy asked his companion, while sitting on a rock.

"Leadville, Colorado. Why?" his companion answered kindly, sort of confused.

He shrugged "Just a curiosity," Carlisle nodded, not so convinced.

'I wonder why he asked, maybe he don't like the city. If he won't like it where could we go…mmmmh... let me think' his mind was working restless.

"Carlisle," the boy said chuckling "really there's no need to worry so much. It was just a curiosity. And, even if I won't like the city, there absolutely no need to change," then he added, his face assuming a thoughtful expression "I don't know how won't I like it, it's not like I'll go out so much."

Carlisle had a sudden wave of guilty toward Edward. He felt guilty because he made him live an half life, made of sacrifices and renunciations, without the light of the sun. Without joy.

Sometimes he thought of Edward, the old Edward, the human Edward.

He thought about the seventeen boy who had a loving family, a good look and a wonderful, prosperous and long life in front of him.

A job, a home. A family. Children.

A wife. A woman who was special, different from the others, beautiful in all way, but most important, a woman who loved him, and who he loved.

At that moment a name ran in his head. Unexpectedly .

Esme.

He didn't realize that while thinking about Edward's possible human wife, he unconsciously thought of Esme.

Like she would ever be his wife! Like he would ever see her again! He thought bitterly and disappointedly.

"Who's Esme?" Edward asked. During his reverie, they had started walking around the forest.

It was terrible for such a closed person like Carlisle has always around a mind reader.

He didn't blame Edward. He wasn't able to control successfully his gift, but he tried his best to stay out of his mind.

But, as much as he tried, he knew.

Everything.

Always.

And Carlisle realized that Edward knowing of Esme wasn't a good thing.

"And why it isn't?" Oh no! Carlisle thought, though his face was blank, thanks to his centuries of practice.

"Because she was a patient. You know , is a professional secret, between doctor and patient" he known Edward didn't believe this lame excuse.

"Carlisle, should I know something?" the bronze haired boy asked, perplexed and worried. He wanted to know if there was something going on in his father life. He wanted to know if leaving was causing him pain, cause the people he was leaving behind.

"There's nothing to know," Carlisle answered still tensed, then he tried to smile and added " really Edward, I should had told you if there was something of importance. Well, you would have known before I would have the chance to tell you, so…" he really hoped Edward trusted him.

He really hoped he would stop talking about her.

Because he didn't want to talk about her.

It made him feel funny…like there was something heavy in his chest.

Maybe, after all, after all this time, his inactive heart was really falling out of his body…he laughed bitterly.

"If you say so" and then Edward turned his gaze ahead of him. He sensed Carlisle wasn't saying everything, but he didn't want to pressure. He had his reasons, he thought.

He could never do anything to fail Carlisle.

For him he was so much more than a companion.

He was his mentor. His example. His father, a figure who was always absent in his life.

"Come on Edward, we need to continue, or we'll never make it!" he said, trying to move the subject.

He succeeded.

"So how is the town?" Edward asked, wanting to know what to expect from their next place, which will be their new home.

"Nice, I think. A good place for us." By us he meant person of their same kind.

Carlisle and Edward had their hypnotizing topaz eyes, their dazing smiles, their velvety voices, their cold and smooth skin, their flawless features, because they were not human.

They were bloodsuckers.

Leeches, as someone called them.

Mainly known as vampires.

For humans, especially those days, be a vampire was not negative like it was during his days.

No, now it was an aspiration.

A dream.

He shivered at the thought.

He hated his life as a vampire, his very being. All the things that were impossible for him to do. Normal things. Simple things. Human things.

He hated have to drink human blood for survive. Ended a life. A life of a person. Like he was, like he still is, in some ways.

A person with dreams, hopes, tastes, thoughts, project, families, loves.

He then thought again of Esme. The perfect example.

Someone like her: a young girl, with a great life to live, a wonderful love to experiment.

If I hadn't chosen this life style, I would have probably ended her life, before it was even started, he thought, somewhat relieved.

But the sadness was here. He still was what he was.

He still won't ever have all those things.

A companion.

Sure, he had Edward, and he didn't regret changing him, even though his disgust for what they were. Edward was different.

But he was a young boy, a friend, a son.

Carlisle wished something more than that.

He wished to have a mate. Love. Something everybody, human and not wants.

But, unfortunately, he never found someone who caught his attention.

Nor in Italy, nor elsewhere. Sure there were good women around, women he admired and appreciated, but he couldn't see him with anyone of them for all his life.

And then there was the diet factor.

Change diet wasn't an easy thing, and his chose about alimentation were difficult to live with.

Of course, if she was already a vampire. Because if she was a human, then he would never change someone for a selfish reason like that.

" I agree" suddenly, Edward's rang through his ears, woke him up from his trance-like state.

He blinked "What?" stupidly asked.

"I agree, it would be selfish change someone who has a life ahead of her, only because you want some company. Then our life style is made of restrain and sacrifice, so it would be double paining," he responded, still running, looking at their imaginary path.

"Oh, thanks you are of my same opinion." but he thought this sounded terribly like Edward's case. Even, Carlisle couldn't feel guilty for what he did to Edward. He simply couldn't.

"You're welcome Carlisle."

Carlisle moved his gaze ahead of him, expecting to see the green of the trees, but finding a big

"Welcome to Leadville" sign.

"Oh well, welcome to our new home" Edward said, straightening himself , his hands in his pockets.

"Yes, welcome to our new life" Carlisle said.

But his thoughts remained on his conversation with his son.

'It would be selfish changing someone only because you want some company".

No. He will never do such thing. It doesn't matter how much he liked the woman. He couldn't, wouldn't and won't do such a thing.

Little did he know, he would have changed idea.

**AN: so this was the third chapter. Hope you like it. If not I'm sorry. I tried my best.**

**Please review, tell me what you think, I accept flames!**

**Baci**

**Till next chap!**


	4. Chapter 4

**An: thank you for the reviews! ****I'm happy peoples reviewed. Thanks too everyone of didn't review too.**

**So, since, miraculously, I don't have homework for Saturday, I decided to write a chapter.**

**Here's chapter four.**

"So, for tomorrow I want you to write about death. What you think of it, how our society react to the event and your thoughts and impressions. Please do a good job. Do not think only about grammar and spelling, but write your heart. This is the key to do a good job" the middle aged, grey headed women said, standing up from her chair.

"Sure, Mrs. Juns," the class responded.

Esme however was lost in her own thoughts.

During the trip to home she was worried. What would she had wrote? And about death among all things!

She never thought about death. Sure she saw lots of peoples dieing before her eyes: her grandparents, one of her uncles, her own horse, even if he was technically an animal. But she never seriously thought about it. She never stopped thinking that, someday, death would come to visit her.

Esme sat at her little desk. Her desk was positioned on the wall in front of the door, under the window. So, from her position on her chair, she could easily watch out the window and admire the wonderful sight that was the open country.

She lowered her head, her caramel hair up in a bun, and looked at the empty paper before her.

She really didn't know what to write.

'Oh well, Mrs. Junes said that the key for do a good job is put your heart in the work' she though 'let's start'.

At the end of the day she had wrote six pages. It was the longest she had ever written.

She read her assignment to see if there were any mistakes.

In her paper she wrote many things. Things she didn't even know she believed until she wrote them on the paper. Things in which she actually believed.

She reasoned of death during all the human history.

From the Greeks of Platoon and Aristotle, Homer and Socrates, to the Romans of Caesar and Cicerone.

The first, as she noticed reading the Odyssey, saw at death with resignation. What pained them the most was the afterlife. They thought, in fact, that, independently from what they did in their life, either they saved a life, either they killed someone, there was only a place everybody went, a place where there was no joy, but only sadness and regret for the lost life.

The Romans were resigned to death the same, but their idea of death was different.

They saw death as a whim of the gods, who commanded humans' life as they liked. But they didn't see death as an isolate event, better even, as the act of dieing, the stopping of the heart of a person.

They started to see the death in the aging process. For them, aging, begin to be fragile, old, meant death. It was something deeply sad and disgusting, because it lessened the height of the human nature.

The slow and inexorable run of the time, Esme mused, what a sad thing. First you are young and strong and you believe of having all the time in the world in your hands, and then, in the blink of an eye, puff! You are old and weak.

She resumed reading.

Then, she wrote about the death you read in books. The romantic death of Romeo and Juliet, the forgiving one of the Othello, the tragic one of Wuthering Heights, the moral one of Anna Karenina.

Sometimes death wasn't a thing dictated by nature. Sometimes it was by heart.

Esme paused again, looking out the window, reflecting on her own words.

They were wonderful examples, but they were still only books.

Could she really die for love? She wasn't so sure. She never experimented love. She didn't know that tug in your stomach, the sweat on your hands, the increased heartbeat things typical of love. Well, she read about them, but she never lived them.

She asked herself if she would ever live them.

A bird flew in front of her window, shaking her out her musings.

She started to read again.

She then wrote about death and its opposite, life. She took as example the hospital.

A place where people die, but where they are welcome to life too.

A place where so many good people work hard for the hope. The hope of living.

"Because life is too good, and everybody wants to make it last a little longer. Everybody craves life, everybody misses life" she wrote.

Reading about hospitals made her thing of doctors. People who work hard to improve the quality of life.

People like Doctor Cullen.

He cured people, made his best to make them live a good life, putting all of his talent and knowledge to save lives.

She admired him, and all doctors, for that.

She wished she could find a man like Carlisle. A good man, gentle and caring, not selfish, with a pure heart. Someone she would feel proud to think as hers. Someone which she would gladly spent the rest of her life. And, who knows, build a family with.

She thought several times about Mr. Cullen, from her trip to the hospital, one year before. She had a big crush on him, but, even if he wasn't miles away who knows where, she knows there would be no story.

So she realized she would have to be satisfied with someone who was like him.

She would find her Carlisle.

"Esme!" she heard her mother's voice call her.

"Yes mother?" she yelled back.

"Can you please come down?" her mother shouted at her.

"Coming!" and then she descended the stairs, forgetting about her paper.

She entered the large living room, on the sofa her mother and father were sitting, on the armchair one of her friends, Valentine Dorsy.

"Did you call me father?" she asked. Even if it was her mother who called her, she known that in front of stranger she had to made clear that was her father who commanded in that house.

"Yes, Esme, her friend, Miss Dorsy, wanted to tell you something in person," he said looking first at Esme and then at the young girl.

"Oh, is something wrong Valentine?" she asked concerned while sitting beside her mother.

"Oh no, no Esme. Don't worry. I came year to invite you," she said with a slight smile on her face, while giving her a card.

Esme looked at the cream coloured paper with a confuse expression.

'Invite me?' she thought 'did I miss something? A birthday? A festivity?'

Her friend interrupted her river of thoughts.

"Open it"

She did as asked.

Then she gasped.

"Oh my god! An engagement party! Who's he?" the caramel haired girl asked in a rush.

"Lukas Davinson, the grocer's son" Valentine answered with a timid smile, her flushed face directed toward the floor.

Esme stood up and went to hug her friend.

"Oh Valentine! I'm so happy for you! You can't imagine how much I'm happy!" she said while looking her into her eyes.

"So you'll attend my party?" she asked, as if afraid her friend would have say no.

"Of course I'll come! What questions are these?" she said rolling her eyes clouded with tears.

"Oh Esme I'm so happy. I can't wait for you to meet him!" Valentine said, transported by her feelings.

"Well now I have to go, tonight Lukas will diner with us. Goodbye Esme, see you at the party!" she said while adjusting her dark green hat, which matched her dress. "By Mr. Platt, Bye Mrs. Platt"

"See you in three weeks Valentine!" Esme shouted at her. Her friend waved and she closed the door.

"She's a good girl," surprisingly her father said. He sat on the sofa again.

"Yes, she is indeed" Esme responded while she too sat down on the armchair previously occupied by Valentine.

"She's a nice girl, well educated, in the right age for marriage. And she find a good man, one who can give her a stability" he continued.

"She's older as me father. And yes, she a nice girl, Lukas will be very happy with her" she answered, but she had a feeling.

A feeling that told her this conversation won't turn good for her.

"That's the point. She will live a good life, with a good man by her side, the independence and the reputation of a married woman" he said.

She started to comprehend .

"If you say so father" she tried to stay as vague as possible.

" I say so" he almost shouted, then he turned to watch the fireplace.

"I think it's come the time that you too start to consider marriage, Esme. You are beautiful, intelligent and well manned. You are a great match for every man. You should find a good man and settle" he resolutely said.

Esme was shocked to say the least " But father! I'm only seventeen! I can't marry. I'm not in love with anyone!" she forcefully said.

"Love? Who put in your mind such silly things?!" he shouted, staring her directly in her eyes "What does love has in common with marriage?"

"People marry out of love, not out of convenience or fear of be lonely" she said, pleadingly, trying to made that old and cynic man understand her young heart full of hope and ideals.

"You better start to watch out for someone to marry Miss. If not, I'll choose for you" he said, his last words.

Esme started crying while running up the stairs. She closed the door of her room, leaned against it a began to slid till her back was against the floor. She pressed her forehead against her knees, encircling them with her arms.

She cried until dark.

Then she imposed herself to stop. To convince herself that she would find love. She had to.

After put on her nightgown she remembered her assignment.

She finish reading it under a candle's light.

She read the last line.

A line that represented her thought better. A sad, but real line.

"Death is and will always be the most important event in human life, which will be dedicated studies, and, until it'll be possible, people will try to combat her in every way, even knowing they have already lost".

Oh it was so true, she thought while fading in a deep sleep.

Oh, if only she knew…

**An: OH MY GOD! That was my longest chapter! Five pages on Word!- claps hands- sorry for all the grammar and not mistakes- it wasn't easy write such complex things.**

**At least, for me they are complex.**

**The assignment exist. I wrote it 2 weeks ago as summer work and the quotes are from my real paper.**

**Thank you for reading. Please review!**

**Baci **


	5. Chapter 5

**An: there's Heroes on TV****. But I don't feel like watching it, so here I am, writing chapter five. Wow! I know that is not that long, but for me it is!**

**Thanks to all who reviewed chapter four!**

**Omg I completely forgot the disclaimer ! well this is for the previous chapter and future ones.**

**I don't own anything.**

"Thank you very much for had come at this hour! We were really scared when the baby started crying so desperately! God bless you!" a woman, maybe in her thirties, was standing in the porch of her house. Behind her, half hided from the door, was standing a little boy with light brown hair and dark blue eyes. You could see a faint light coming from the inside of the house.

The house was two stored, the material wood, a little old, but in good conditions, the frames and the door a dirty white.

"You are very welcome, Mrs. Linton. There was no problem at all. Made sure your son isn't too much covered, it isn't so cold." He said, flashing a dazzling but polite smile toward the woman.

"Umm, yes, well…thank you again doctor Cullen! Goodbye!" Mrs. Linton said, standing at the door till she could see the doctor anymore.

When Carlisle was safely in the dark, sure no human could see him, he started running.

He didn't love running as much as Edward, but he still find it entertaining.

It helped him made some room in his mind. Make some cleaning. Stop thinking about problems, troubles, worries and be free, little moments of peace.

Moments which he obviously spent thinking.

About how his life would have been if that night he didn't go looking for the vampires. Real vampires.

He would have meet someone, a woman. A good, sweet, nice woman who would have loved him, maybe not in some devastating way, but a little at least. The least to marry him and form a family together. Children.

A family.

Something he never had, nor in his human life, nor in his immortal one.

He always lived among men. First his father and then Edward. Sure two very different people. His father was obtuse and arrogate, full of himself and blind with his prejudices; Edward was sarcastic and sometimes harsh, a different person to live with, but a really good person. He knew there was sweetness in him. It just have to arrived the person with the right touch. The person to key for his heart, that he kept so safely closed.

While he thought he felt the wind whipping his face. It wasn't painful, he was pleasurable.

In the end, his life wasn't as dark as before. Now he had someone like him, who had his same beliefs, his same life style. Like him. With who he didn't have to hide.

But that wasn't a family.

That was a couple. A duo.

A family was so much more.

He earned to have a family. He craved it. More than blood.

Because he never had one. He never spent happy evenings with the people he loved and who loved him, talking about their day. Brothers. Sisters. A kind father. A mother.

This was a big hole in his life. He never met his mother, who died given birth to him. He always felt guilty for that. He wondered how she would have been.

Would has she been generous, beautiful and loving like Edward's mother? A woman who could have life through the influenza, but sacrificed her life to save her son's one?

Or would has she been caring and worrying like Mrs. Linton, who called a man supposedly asleep only because her baby is crying and she can't tranquil him?

He couldn't tell. His father never talked about his wife. He couldn't tell what was feeling have nobody to call when you are scared or had made a bad dream, someone who comfort you when you hurt yourself when you are in pain both physically and emotionally, someone who tell you that you are wonderful and the most perfect thing on this world exactly the way you are.

Because he never had that someone.

He imposed himself to stop thinking about those trivial things.

_A family? Get a grip on yourself Carlisle_ he thought to himself.

It was masochist to thing about impossible things.

The mere idea of finding love.

Edward could find love. He was young, fresh, innocent and with his mind reading talent he could selected the person who were more compatible with him. It was more easy.

For Carlisle things life open up to people were difficult.

Especially to women.

_And then_, he thought again, _if I hadn't found anybody in almost two centuries it's very difficult I'll find someone now, I mean it's not like I didn't travel around!_

Maybe he was designated to be alone for the rest of his exsistence.

Maybe it was a sign. He wasn't mean to have a family.

Maybe.

He forced himself to stop with the self pity as he neared the house, where inside there was Edward.

And in fact, here he was, on the sage green armchair, reading a book.

"What are you reading Edward?" he said out loud, even though that wasn't really needed.

"A book. Jane Eyre. Do you know it?" he asked, never once looking up from the book.

"Yes, it's a little old, but people say is really wonderful. Do you like it?" he asked while dropping his bag and sitting on the sofa, a light sage green too.

"I'm at the declaration of the main male character to her. He's really strange," he added, still concentrated on his reading.

Carlisle was surprised. Usually Edward was the type you could surprise.

"What's his name?" he asked, curios.

"Edward Rochester" he responded shortly.

Carlisle decided to press.

"And who would he be?"

"The man who Jane Eyre love and is loved by," the boy said, like it was an obvious thing.

"Tell me the story Edward please" Carlisle asked gently.

" So she is Jane Eyre, a girl with no family, whose cruel aunt sent to a institute. Here she study and became a teacher. After two years of teaching she is employed by Mrs. Fairfax, who is the director of Thornfield Hall, Mrs. Rochester estate. The two of them meet, but she doesn't know who he is. They then are officially introduced and the get to know each other, and, slowly, the rude, voluble, rough Mrs. Rochester, a middle aged man, fall in love with nineteen sarcastic and pricking Jane Eyre, the teacher of his pupil." He finished. He was a bit confusing, but Carlisle thought he had caught the main part.

It seemed a good story to him.

"Yes, I think so" Edward answered, to engrossed by the book to noticed that he answered his father's thought rather than words.

"I'm surprise that you actually appreciate these things Edward" Carlisle said.

Then, the miracle happened: Edward lift hi head to look at his father. His eyes were confused and wide.

"What do you mean with "these things"?" he asked, feeling slightly outraged.

"Nothing offensive Edward. But you never read a romance. About a girl" he said, smiling teasingly.

"There something wrong about that?" Edward asked defensively.

"No, absolutely. It's just strange coming from you. Let me guess! It was written by a woman" he said jokingly.

"Yes, Charlotte Bronte" he answered calmly.

"Did something happen Edward? Did you meet someone who moved you?" Carlisle was now serious. He hoped Edward would find that person. He wanted it to happen. Soon too.

"Nobody. It's just …I never experimented love, and I thought it would be interesting see how it was trough a woman's eyes" he sincerely said.

"Good. Interesting" Carlisle said.

"What did that baby had?" Edward asked, lowering his head again to continue his reading.

"Nothing serious. He was too much hot, and consequentially thirsty" _not like us, we aren't ever hot, but we are constantly thirty_, he thought.

Edward was still with his head toward the book, but his eyes met Carlisle's ones.

"Well, it's kind of funny see all the thing humans said to each other when they are in love. They are so disgustingly gooey and romantic! I can't imagine feel these emotions. Can you Carlisle?"

And Carlisle found himself deeply sad while saying his response, a disappointing but sadly true.

"Neither do I."

**An: I finished Eclipse in three days! Wow! I'm so proud of myself. It was good, but different. I think it was really similar to some fanfictions! I mean, the jealousy, the drama, Victoria. And the way of writing was more rushed. But it's my opinion. I took a small line from Eclipse. Hope you don't mind! Don't sue me!**

**Oh, I had to put Jane Eyre. I love that book almost like Stephenie Meyere's series. The main character is always Edward.**

**Ok a too long author note.**

**Now please review! Thanks for reading!**

**Baci**

**Till next time.**


	6. Chapter 6

**An:**** Sorry for the wait. School is terrible! This year will be hell. Anyway I seriously need a beta. Please, please, please if somebody would help it'd be really appreciated. If not, well, you'll read a chapter with mistakes. Really I need one. My chapters aren't so long!**

**Uff…**

**So on with chapter six! I know it may seems boring the way this story is proceeding, but I need to give an idea of the psychology of the characters. For me the introspective part is essential.**

**So, Ladies and Gentlemen…**

**Chapter six!!!**

"Esme come here, you have to prove the dress!" her mother shouted to a sleepy Esme.

"Oh, mother, why do I have to prove it now? Can't it just wait?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"No! The party is in a week! There isn't time!" her mother responded angrily while running in the kitchen, doing God knows what.

Esme walked up the stairs, destination: her bedroom. She went to her vanity, if you call a vanity a wooden table with some coloured ribbons and a bowl with some cold water.

She washed her face with water, hoping it would wake her up. She then proceed to wear the corset and one of her favourite dresses. It was a summer dress, that ended just a little under her knees, pleated and pure white.

She always loved white. She associated it with the concept of life, it was a pure colour, uncontaminated, formed by the union of all others. And, not less important thing, it went perfectly with her pink skin and caramel hair.

She tied her hair with a light blue ribbon, coordinated with her flat shoes.

Esme descended the stairs so eagerly she almost tripped, but fortunately, she caught herself in time. She drew in a relieved breath. She didn't want to break her leg another time, she took of the cast only a week before!

"I'm ready mother" she happily announced.

"Oh, it took you quite long! Come on Esme! We need to hurry!" the woman responded, while pacing frantically around the room, never once looking at the girl.

"Alright" Esme said, not knowing how to respond.

"Call James, we need the car" her mother ordered her.

"Sure mother" Esme turned to leave, but then it occurred her she didn't know where he was "umm, do you know where is he?"

Her mother lift her head forgetting momentarily about her nails, "Uh? Oh, James. Well, he's…he's…I think he is somewhere near the stables" she tentatively said.

"I'll go then" Esme said while turning around again and heading toward the stables, in the portion of the property nearer the gate.

And there he was, next to the car, as if he already knew they had to leave.

James was a tall and thin young boy, about twenty. He had average features, brown hair and brown eyes, thin lips and slightly flap ears.

Esme reached him and smiled him a polite and sweet smile.

"Good morning James, how are you?" she was accustomed to ask people question about themselves, even if they were the lowest of the servants.

"Fine, thank you Miss Plat. How are you this morning? Does your leg still hurt?" he asked, smiling too, but there was something fake in his gesture.

"I'm fine, thank you very much, James. No, my leg doesn't hurt anymore, luckily" she said while bending her head to the ground.

"Well, my mother sent me here to advise you we're about to leave, but I see you are ready" she explained her task, if you would call it this way, lightening the awkward moment. Awkward for her, at least.

"Yes, I see Mrs. Platt" he added nodding at something behind her.

She turned and saw her mother walking fast toward them, while giving orders to a maiden.

"Is it everything set, James?" she asked the young boy.

"Sure, ma'am" he said bowing a little, smiling.

"Alright then. We're going to the town, take us to the Main Street" she ordered, once again, while hopping in the car, not looking at him once, again.

Fifteen minutes after they were in front of a boutique. James was in the car, parked at the other said of the sidewalk.

Esme looked at the window of the boutique. It seemed an expensive place.

"Mom, wouldn't the party be a simple thing, for few people? Why do I need to have an expensive dress?" she asked worried for two reasons.

The first was that her parents weren't poor, but they hadn't so much money. She was kept in the dark about many things, but she had the ability to do one plus one.

The second reason was linked to the first: if her parents were willing to spend a conspicuous amount of money on her, then, they had something on their minds.

And she didn't like it. Not at all.

"Can I help you ma'am?" a woman on her forties approached them, who were still at the entrance of the shop.

"Yes please" her mother said, smiling a little " we're looking for a dress. It has to be elengant, it's for an engagement party".

The shop assistant nodded in understand, her smile never leaving her face " Did you have any ideas in mind?" she asked.

"Yes" her mother said like it was imply "It has to be intense dark green, with a deep V neck, short sleeved, imperial style dress. It would remind of middle 1700 century." She said. It didn't escape to Esme that her mother always talked in orders. She always used verbs, and talked with a tone of the voice, that made clear the authority behind. She loved to order people around. _Maybe because at home she's always the one who receives orders_, Esme thought.

They spent all afternoon proving dresses, looking for materials, buying bags, ribbons, shoes.

Esme never before had hated shopping so much.

When she went home she looked at all her purchases.

They buy lots of thing. She didn't dare to imagine how much money her mother spent.

She already had the dress made. It was wonderful, really. It went till her ankle, the colour was a deep forest green that made stand out her pink skin. The sleeves were very short, practically inexistent and the seams and the patters were in a yellow-gold colour. There was a thin band who ran just under her breast, tracing their line. Her shoes were flat, she didn't want heels, and they were too a gold colour. It was like be a character from Pride and Prejudice.

Weeks passed and soon the party's night arrived.

Esme was in front of her big mirror, looking at her reflection in her underwear. She asked herself for the millionth time why she was doing this. She sighed, knowing she couldn't miss Valentine's engagement party.

She began to dress.

It took her an hour to put the dress, the shoes, the bracelets and earrings, they're too…guess what…yes, gold!

Now she only had to do her hair. She opted for an up do, leaving some caramel curls down, beautifying all with some ribbons, a light cream colour.

"Esme, dear, we need to go , hurry!" she heard her mother shout at her.

She grabbed her green pochette and put on her green gloves.

After thirty minutes they arrived at the place.

You could see young couples arriving and entering into the building, from which you could hear a joyful music.

Esme smiled instantly.

_This is going to be a good evening,_ she thought to herself.

She and her parents entered the construction.

The place where the party was organized was, actually, Lukas Davinson, Valentine's fiancée.

She didn't have the time to look around, she found herself wrapped in the arms of someone.

In the arms of a tall, black haired girl. Valentine Dorsy, her best friend.

"Oh Esme, you came! I'm so happy" her friend shouted, over the loud music.

Esme widened her eyes "I can't believe what I'm hearing! Obviously I came! I would have come even if you hadn't invited me!" she said to her friend, who had a lone tear running on her cheek.

Esme wiped it away with her right end. "Don't cry Vale, you should be the happiest girl country. You'll be the first on thins planet your wedding day." She sweetly comforted her, laughing a bit in the last part.

Her friend laughed with her, still touched.

"Esme, will you be my Maid of Honour? If you don't mind, obviously" Valentine asked her, looking shyly at her feet.

Now it was Esme who had eyes full of tears.

"Oh Valentine! It would be an honour for me, really, to be your Maid" she said.

"Oh it's so wonderful! And soon I'll be yours too! If you want…" Esme didn't understand the meaning of her words. Soon? She wasn't going to marry anyone anytime soon. She let it go, excited about other things.

The two friend then hugged each other and started giggling like teens. And teens they were.

Near midnight, while Esme was near the buffet and Valentine around with Lukas, her father came to her.

"So, are you enjoying the party Esme?" he asked, his glance toward the dancing figures.

She was surprised by his gentleness "Yes, father, very much so." She responded, warily.

"I'm glad" he simply said, and for some minutes they were in total silence.

"I'd like to introduce you someone" he finally said. He then grabbed gently her arm and leaded her to the other side of the ball room, the less taken up.

"Esme, this is Charles Evenson" he said moving his hand from her daughter's figure to another man one.

He was a tall, light haired guy, with bright blue eyes. He was not older than twenty five.

The boy extended an hand toward Esme.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Platt. I'm Charles Evenson" he said, kissing her gloved hand with his pink full lips, an intriguing smile on his face.

While her hand was still in his her mother added with a malicious smile"Charles isn't married, Esme. Isn't that splendid?"

"I'm searching Lydia" he said to the woman.

He called her by first name.

Her father never called her wife by her first name. This boy did. As if they were friends, good friends, dear friend, and they knew each other for a long time.

And then everything became clear in her mind.

Valentine's words. Her mother's.

And she understood the reason behind her expensive dress.

This wasn't Valentine's engagement party.

It was hers.

**An: so here's another chap done. Sorry for mistakes, again I don't have a beta, and I'm not mother tongue so some forms are not easy for me. I'm sorry for the dress description. I'm chaotic in Italian I can only imagine how I sound in English! Oh my god…**

**Well it took some work, it's actually a pretty long chapter.**

**Hope you like it.**

**Baci.**


	7. Chapter 7

**An: oh sorry for the wait! School has been hell!!! So many tests! Tomorrow I have a test about America! I'm so scared…do you know where is cape Morris Charles? Does it even exist? Oh well…**

**Picture's on my profile! HELP ME FIND A GOOD CARLISLE! I can't find anyone good enough.**

**Happy reading!**

"Oh my dear, I 'm so happy for you! My girl is getting married!" Esme's mother said, a tear running down her cheeks, while watching her only daughter in her wedding gown.

Her dress wasn't anything special, but it was alright with her, because she didn't want it to be too magnificent. It was a plain white gown, with a loose corset without patterns, the sleeves reached her elbows. The material of the gown was silk. It was expensive, she knew, but Charles was the one who insisted for it.

Her hair was tied in a way it seemed almost short and curly. She wore a white hat which covered her forehead, from which hung the veil. The veil was the only thing Esme really liked, and thought was too excessive. It was made of tulle and flowery lace patterns. Everything was white.

Her mother and future husband argued with her numerous times about her too- sober tastes. But she never changed idea. She really didn't want to celebrate the whole event.

Maybe because she felt it wasn't a real wedding.

She didn't love Charles. True, he was a gentleman, wealthy, who would provide her a good life style, he was mannered and quite charming. He didn't lack of look too. But she didn't love him. She tried; countless times, in fact. But nothing ever sparked. It wasn't as if he was boring. He was actually cultured, but he wasn't interesting.

She remember one of their first meetings

**_Flashback_**

**_Esme was sitting on her sofa, in the living room, reading in the afternoon light. She flipped the page of her favourite book, Persuasion, a Jane Austen's book, when her mother entered the room followed by Charles. A week had passed since Valentine's engagement party and since then, she didn't meet again the young man._**

_"**Dear, look who came over today! Isn't it wonderful that Mr. Evenson decide to visit us?" her mother said eagerly, looking between her and Charles.**_

**_Esme closed the book and gently placed it in her lap._**

_"**Yes, wonderful indeed" she said, out of courtesy.**_

_"**I wanted to see how Miss Platt was doing" he justified himself.**_

**_She wondered why. It was not like she didn't felt well at the party. On the contrary, the danced all the time. _**

**_Oh god! Esme thought, can he…?_**

**_Could it be that the man wanted to courtship her? So bravely? Without thinking about etiquette, and ceremonies and…._**

**_But her thoughts were interrupted by Charles question._**

_"**So Miss Platt, ****what book were you reading before I interrupted you?" he wore a charming smile on his face, but it didn't enchanted Esme. Nothing about him enchanted her. Not at all. She always thought there was something fake about his manners. Even his voice.**_

_"**Oh, nothing of importance Mr. Evenson. Jane Austen. Have you ever read any of her works?" she asked him trying to make small talk. In truth she wasn't interested in talking to him, but since she was obligated by courtesy she wanted to make him talk the most, so she could thought about her fantasies and she would has had only to nod at times.**_

**_But, unluckily, he hadn't her same tastes in literature._**

_"**Yes, but only Pride and Prejudice. Is it what are you reading?" he asked, but he didn't seem too curious about her answer.**_

_"**No, this is Persuasion" she responded, lifting the book from her lap, and then added "But I read Pride and Prejudice. There's a copy of it in the library" she nodded toward the big wooden library in the west part of the room.**_

**_The rest of the afternoon passed with their small talk: a series of questions and negative answers._**

**_The positive part was that they learn a lot about each other._**

**_But, after he left them goodnight, Esme didn't rejoice in the knowledge that grey was one of his favourite colours. In fact, once the door was closed, she ran to the living room and grabbed her book. _**

**_It was all afternoon she wanted to read it._**

**_End flashback_**

And all the others afternoon passed like that. Boringly. Deathly boringly. More than once Esme wondered if it was possible to die from boredom. If people died from fear, or pain, wasn't it possible they could die from boredom?

She was convinced yes.

She thought numerous times she would have been one of them.

And now, watching her reflection in the mirror, she realized she was going to pass the rest of her life with that man.

The rest of her life.

She made a mental count.

Esme was twenty-two now. If she presupposed she was going to live till seventy that meant…

Forty eight years. Practically fifty years. Half of her life. The good half of her life.

She felt her eyes widened. She saw her eyes widened.

She began hyperventilating. She couldn't do it. Fifty years???!!! It was too much for her to handle. She wanted to run.

But then, her mother interrupted her, misinterpreting her behaviour.

"Oh Esme, don't worry darling. Everything will be perfect! We had all planned out: the flowers, the food, the music. Everything is settled. You don't have to worry. All you have to do is relax and prepare yourself to be happy" her mother said.

Esme often wondered if her mother was convinced or if she was pretending.

Did she really believed in all the absurdities she said, or was she conscious she was hurting her?

Her parents knew she didn't love Charles. They knew everything. They couldn't possibly think she will be happy with him.

Happy is a big word. Happiness is moment in your life when everything is bliss, everything is exactly like you desire it.

She couldn't be happy with Charles. Serene, yes. Content, yes. Maybe even satisfied. But not happy.

Happy is true love. And Charles wasn't her true love.

In that moment, her mind ran to her conversation with her parents, three weeks previously, the day before Charles' proposal.

**_Flashback_**

**_After a walk in town with Charles, Esme returned at home. Once she took a long, cold bath, she went downstairs, searching for her parents. It was six in the afternoon. Too late for any work in the camps, but too early for dinner, they had to be inside the house, she pondered while heading for the living room, were she was almost sure she would have found them._**

**_And in fact… bingo._**

**_They were on the sofas. Her mother sat on the right one, nearer the big window. Her father in the left one, his back facing the library. He was reading a paper, her mother a book. They seemed serene. She could talk to them._**

**_She cleared her throat._**

_"**Ehm, ehm" she made her presence known.**_

**_They simultaneously turned toward her._**

_"**Yes Esme dear?" asked her mother, in a sweet voice.**_

_"**Uhm, good afternoon mother, father " she greeted them, nodding respectively toward each parent.**_

_"**Is there something wrong Esme?" asked his father, looking at the paper in his hands.**_

_"**Not exactly. But there is something I'd like to discuss with you, if you don't mind" she said, looking between the two.**_

**_Her mother glanced at her husband before answering._**

_"**Sure dear, sit" she patted a spot next to her on the sofa " tell us".**_

**_Esme reached the sofa, then, graciously, she sat down._**

**_She adjusted her gown, gathering her thoughts, before starting._**

_"**Well, mom. You know I met Charles Evenson at Valentine's Party…"**_

**_Her mother gasped " Oh goodness! Did she already came back from her honeymoon? How is she? Did you give her my wedding present? I'm so sorry I couldn't go to the ceremony!" her mother moved her left her to her cheek, anxiousness written over her face._**

_"**Yes, mother, she returned yesterday, and yes, I told her you couldn't attend the wedding cause you terrible cold" Esme placated her. She wasn't actually convinced her mother caught a cold. **_

**_Valentine's wedding was in June, for god sake!_**

_"**I was saying, you noticed I associated with Charles Evenson…" she trailed off, unsure of how to continue.**_

_"**Yes, dear, he's courting you" her mother smiled.**_

_"**Well, that's the problem" Esme said, much to her mother dismay.**_

_"**And why Esme?" she asked astonished.**_

_"**Well, mother. He's not my… I guess you could say type. We aren't made for each other. I don't fell anything for him. Not love, much less than affection" Esme explained.**_

_"**So?" her mother and father said, unison.**_

_"**So, if he'll propose, I'll have to say no, and hurt his feelings. I was wondering if maybe my behaviour was rep…" she went on. But this time, it was her father who stopped her.**_

_"**What? Say no? And can I know why you swill have to say no?" her father's voice was angry, he put the paper down.**_

_"**Because I don't love him. I'm indifferent to him" she responded.**_

_"**I still don't grasp why you should say no" her father stubbornly said.**_

_"**I don't love him, how could I-"**_

_"**Love! Love! Again with that stupid thing! Love doesn't exist Esme, or if it exist, it's not important in life! You should stop reading those dull books!" he yelled, slightly standing up the sofa. Then he sat down again and huffed "Love!".**_

**_Her mother squeezed her hand and said _**

_"**Esme dear, your father is right. When you choose the person you are going to spent your life with, you can't based your decision on love. There are more important things. For example, you have to think about our family, our property, your family, your property. Love is such a fickle thing" she said.**_

_"**But…" Esme feebly responded. **_

_"**Esme, you have to chose: your inexistent and unpredictable love or a good and happy life with our concrete values?"**_

**_End flashback_**

Now, July twelfth nineteen-seventeen, she was saying goodbye to her old self. She will stop be the silly romantic dreamer girl.

She made a choice. She chose her family. It's time to grow up.

She picked up her veil and her bouquet when the march started.

She positioned herself behind the church doors, waiting for her father.

Her arrived, smiling a small smile to her.

Then they could hear the music loud and clear.

But, to Esme, it didn't seemed a wedding march, but a funeral march.

And, in a way, that day was her funeral, the end of her life. The old one, the happy one.

The doors opened and Esme and her father stepped into the little, sun filled church.

**An: omg that was long, or so it seems to me. Hope you liked it. I noticed I made Esme a little depressed and slightly passive to her parents. But that was the way things were in th****ose years. But don't worry, in two-three chapters thing will get better.**

**Sorry for mistakes.**

**Please review.**

**baci**


	8. Chapter 8

**An: sorry ****I'm writing this in a rush because Grey's Anatomy is starting in half hour. I love Grey's Anatomy. I'm a little sad because I'm not getting much reviews, and always from the same people. Don't misunderstand, I love them (a special thanks to miss.dramatikkk) but I'd like to know what others think.**

**Today I had the test about America. It went pretty well…but I think I write San Francisco too in the north. And lake Manitoba too.**

**Sry for the rant. He's chapter…wow it's already eight!!!**

They didn't go in honeymoon.

Esme and Charles transferred to their new house, a little brown cottage in the nature.

Esme didn't have to take lots of thing with her, so in a day the change was made. The house was little but comfortable. There were three rooms, two bathrooms upstairs, downstairs everything was ordinary: a kitchen on the left, the stairs slightly on the right, on the right the entrance of the living room, which could had been use as a dining room too.

"So, do you like it, Esme?" Charles asked her when she first saw the house.

She looked around, still standing at the doorway, not daring to move inside. The house was nice, actually more than nice, it was quite beautiful compared to others. But she wasn't comfortable. Maybe it was because she always lived in a different house, maybe she just have to familiarize with the new furniture and climate. But the irritating sensation didn't want to leave her: that didn't felt home. She knew she could had lived years in there, and still the house would had felt totally alien to her.

"Yes, it's lovely" it wasn't a lie. The house was on the nuances of beige and brown; everything was in wood, a deep shade of brown.

"What type of wood is this?" she said, touching a table in the corridor that leaded to the living-dining-room. On it there was a vase which contained a beautiful posy of camp flowers. There were of all length and colours: long and red, short and yellow, white, pink, violet and orange. They were a spectacle for the eyes.

"Cherry three. Why? Don't you like it?" he asked, however he didn't sound to concerned that his new wife could had not liked the furniture.

"No, on the contrary. I like it very much" truth was, she always like light things, along the tones of with, cream, and light brown. Cherry tree was nice, but too dark for her.

She didn't say anything because her mother instructed her on how act around her husband.

**Flashback**

**Esme ****was in the stables, admiring her horses, little Carlisle was now a wonderful stallion, with a black coat and topaz eyes. He was the most elegant animal she'd ever seen.**

**She heard the noise of someone's steps, but she didn't turn; not until she was called.**

"**Esme, I have to talk to you" her mother said, and when she turned there she was, standing, in the middle of the stables, the sun behind her creating a dream like atmosphere. But her mother was anything but a dream, in the good and bad way.**

"**What's wrong mother?" she knew her mother avoided the stables as much as possible, she wondered what could had possibly leaded her there.**

"**Nothing dear, I just want to talk to you" she responded.**

"**Oh, alright" Esme walked near to her and they began to walk through the gardens.**

"**Esme, you are getting married in weeks, I want to make sure you know what you are doing." Her mother said.**

"**Of course I know what I'm doing mother" Esme responded feeling slightly insulted.**

"**I know that. I meant, do you know what are you going to do?" she asked her looking at the flowers.**

"**I don't follow you" she said, confused by her mother's words.**

"**Esme, I want to say it clearly. Straight to the point. As a wife, you will always support your husband. Be faithful, never doubt him, always comfort him and be devoted and a pleasurable company for him. You'll have to take care for him when he's sick, and never make him angry or annoyed. Always. No matter what he does, say or think. Always. Because he's your husband. He gives you a house, food and a respectable position, you owe him all your encouragement." Her mother said, almost in a rush looking straight ahead, her eyes watering.**

"**Sure, mother" was all Esme could say.**

"**Good" her mother looked at her feet and close her eyes, holding back the tears. "Look, it's already so dark! It's better go inside" she said and so the began to walk toward the house.**

**Esme didn't understand the meaning of that "always".**

**End flashback**

"So, this is the bedroom. Dispose your things, dinner is almost ready" Charles said, closing the door of their bedroom. Esme found herself in the middle of the main bedroom, at the side of a big, wood bedroom with white covers. The rest of the furniture was dark too. Too dark. Esme began to unpack. She was fast, but she abruptly stopped when she found in her hands her nightgown. Her trousseau. She instantly blushed, thinking of what will come that evening. Her friend Valentine said to her what was like doing…that. She said her first night with Lucas was wonderful. Sweet, romantic and pleasurable. Oh so pleasurable. Esme hoped it will be like that for her too. That…seemed like a good thing, a thing people enjoy.

She went down to diner. She and Charles made small talk, chatting about animals and friends.

Then it came the moment to go to sleep. Well, not really sleep. The moment for do…that.

Esme prepared herself. Her mother always said to her she had to look good for men, always.

So she stepped out of the bathroom to find Charles under the blankets, reading a book. She silently slipped under them too. And waited.

That night was horrible.

Not because it was bad. But not because it was good.

It was… nothing. She felt absolutely nothing. It wasn't romantic, or sweet. It was rough and fast. Charles didn't think of her. He took his pleasure and stop.

Esme was left with anything.

When they finished she turn to her side, trying desperately to sleep, to block the images of their …encounter.

She knew it would have been different for her , but neither her mother said it would have been so disappointing.

**Flashback**

"**Esme, come sit down here, I have some things to tell you" her mother said to Esme, who was walking in the hall reading a book. Her mother was in the living room, the door opened, like it was expecting her from a long time.**

"**What's mother? Is there any problem?" she asked her mother, worried by her odd behaviour.**

"**No, dear, thanks. I just wanted to tell you some thing I think you have to know before becoming a married woman" the old woman said, looking at her hand, its fingers entwined with her daughter ones.**

"**Tell me mother" Esme said, nodding her head, encouraging her.**

"**So, dear. Married couples, especially young married couples- no, no." she took a deep breathe before go on.**

"**You're going to get married. I know what you are felling Esme. Unknown feelings, strong feelings who completely disorient you, confuses you, maybe even embarrassed you. Well I know you are feeling these emotions toward Charles, I know when you look at him you fell…funny. Well, when you are married… you have the opportunity to finally let these emotions free, without feeling guilty about it. Because it's good, God wants it. It's right between a man and a- no, sorry. It's right between husband and wife to love each other…completely. Do you understand what I mean?" she asked her nervously.**

**Esme knew what her mother was talking about. She knew it since she was ten. But of course she never told her, or anyone. The way she understood it was a little funny, if you think about it. She understand where do babies came from, and especially how did they came observing her horses. She learned from animals. It was strange, because people generally don't compare human genre with animals. They think the man are above instinct and impulses, they think with their mind. Not like animal. Like and horse, or a dog.**

**Esme always wondered till at what point this was true.**

**She remembered her mother question "Yes, mother. I understand. Can I go now?" she really didn't want to talk anymore.**

"**Sure dear, sure" her mother said, squeezing her hand.**

**She walked out of the room, relieved.**

**End flashback**

Sure, strong emotions! If only she could feel something.

She sighed and then she fell in a deep sleep.

* * *

Weeks passed and then, it happened.

It was a beautiful day, the sun shone high in the sky.

But Esme wasn't feeling well.

She had had a terrible headache all day, and she didn't wanted to move or hear anything.

"Hello Esme. Get ready, we're going to the Kimberlins" Charles said happily, closing the main door. He had just returned home.

"I'm sorry Charles, but I'm not feeling well. I can't go tonight" Esme said weakly from the sofa, where she was lying on.

"Why?" he asked, not hiding the irritation.

"I have a terrible headache, please I really can't go" she said.

He was standing on the doorway of the living room, behind Esme's lying form.

"Headache?" he asked angry and incredulous. " You don't want to go for a stupid headache?" he half shout her.

"Yes. Please don't shout" she barely whispered him, her eyes closed.

"I can shout how much I want! This is my house, you are my wife and you have to obey me!" he shouted, marching to the sofa, pulling Esme on her feet.

"What?-" was all she could say before he pulled her wrist in a hand, his face monstrously near hers.

"Now, Esme" he spat her name like it was a curse " you'll go upstairs, wear that cute blue dress I bought you and go to the Kimberlins" he said, his voice low and cold.

"Please-" she tried to say, again. But again she was interrupted.

"No!" he shouted and then he slapped her, right on her face.

She was shocked. It hurt. Like hell.

"You'll do what I say" for each word, there it went a slap. A cheek at time.

She whined.

"Don't lament! Woman!" he shouted and then her punched her.

He punched her right in her stomach, hard and sure. She fell to the floor, her eyes wide for the shock.

It hurt too much to cry.

"You have thirty minutes" he said, whatching her from above, his eyes empty from any guilt or remorse.

Thirty minutes later, she didn't know how, she found herself in a room, talking to a woman, her husband at her side.

"So, Mr Evenson, your wife is just lovely" a man, Mr . Kimberlin she supposed, said to her husband.

"Oh yes, my Esme is really a treasure. And it's all mine" he said, smiling proudly. That charming smile she saw so many times, but never trusted.

"Oh he's such a sweetheart! Your husband is so sweet, don't you agree Mrs. Evenson" the woman, Mrs. Kimberlin asked her.

In that moment Esme understood many things.

Her mother's words.

Her mother's tears.

And the meaning of that "always".

"Oh yes, he is".

**An: another chapter done. Sorry for the spelling and grammar. It's late here.That was my longest chapter! almost two-thousand words!wow!go me!:D**

**Review!**

**Thanks for reading**

**Baci**


	9. Chapter 9

**an: here we are… omg next chap will be the tenth!!! I'm soo excited!**** Tomorrow I have a test…uff I don't wanna!**

**Ok stop. **

**This is the ninth chapter, edited by my wonderful beta Lizbre! Thank you soooo much!**

"Goodbye Esme, be good. I'll return." It sounded like a threat.

"Goodbye Charles, be safe" go to hell, she thought, no trace of remorse, only burning hate.

He walked up the steps and then, after a great amount of noise and lots of smoke, he started to move away. And away and away.

Esme looked around.

The other people at the station were different from her. She really felt uncomfortable in that place. It wasn't her place.

At her right there was a young girl, no older then twenty, who was parting from a boy about her age. They were so young and innocent. She was pregnant, her stomach round and big, but she was beautiful, glowing almost. She had long brown hair, big brown eyes, full red lips and was about Esme's height. The boy, she could only guess, because he was on the train, was pretty tall, with bronze messy hair and emerald eyes that stood out against his pale skin. They looked torn, in so much pain and anguish, she almost felt bad for them. They wore rings, so they were supposedly married.

So young, so in love, and they would probably never see each other again.

And for what? A war. A stupid, pointless war.

Esme couldn't bare to stay there any longer.

She felt guilty.

She was saying goodbye to her husband, possibly for good, hopefully for good, but she didn't feel anything. With Charles she never felt anything. Although she felt a little bit of happiness. No, not happiness but euphoria, thanks to the sense of freedom his departure gave her. She didn't care if there was a war, if the could lose it, she only cared that he was away.

And there was a possibility that he might not return.

She counted on that possibility.

She walked away from the smoking station, snuggling in her black coat. when she was at home she looked around the house.

She hung up the coat and walked around the house. Everything was still, as if frozen, as if waiting for something terrible to happen and make everything break, explode.

But there was only silence.

She walked to the reddish-brown kitchen. Silence. Nothing moved, nothing made a sound.

She walked into the living room, caressed the books in the library, the sofa, the curtains though which light passed.

She then walked upstairs, while admiring the pictures on the wall. Still as dead.

She looked in the bathroom, in the guest room and finally the main bedroom.

She looked around, absorbing every detail her eyes could register. The bed, the light, the curtains, the cupboard. She touched everything, starting with the curtains, saving her bed for last. She touched the rough fabric and then she sat down.

Still silence.

She sighed, finding out that with that gesture she broke the lovely silence.

She realized that, on that bed, she will sleep alone. She abruptly stood up and ran to the cupboard, opening it. It was half empty, but, in her world, she only saw a half full cupboard. She smiled. She truly smiled, her first smile in weeks and then she laid down upon the bed.

She was alone. Finally alone. Free.

She put on some music and started dancing around, singing out of tune, dancing like a mad woman, swirling around, her black gown with her. She stopped and started to undress herself. She had never liked the colour black. But she was forced to wear it in morning, a symbol of her presumed internal pain.

But she only felt relief.

She decided than to wear a pink, short sleeved dress, that reached to her knees. She put on her yellow hat, grabbed her purse and then went outside. Finally free to live again.

* * *

Years passed. Two years. Two years of freedom and life, when Esme lived like she never had before. But, all to soon, the passed, like everything else.

"Esme, aren't you happy to see me? See I am alive and safe?" he asked her, standing in front of her, towering her. His eyes held a threat, a warning for her.

"Yes, sure I am." she said, forcing a small smile, while, unsurely, trying to hug him. He didn't return the hug. Obviously he didn't have to show any affection towards her. It was her, the wife, who had to be warm and devoted to the husband.

"So, what am I eating?" he said as soon as they walked in the house, marching toward the kitchen. She didn't fail to notice he didn't use plural. As if she was a dog and couldn't eat too.

"I don't know, what do you want?" she tiredly asked him.

"You should have told Leann to cook something! You knew I was coming home!" he shouted at her, the half ran to the living room. She started to walk to the kitchen, where she was sure she would find Leann. Oh, she knew he was coming home. She knew…

**Flashback**

**Esme was singing to herself a song she heard… she didn't remember where, but she loved it. **

**The sun was warm. The flowers were blossoming. The air was pure.**

**Everything was better now. It was strange thinking a single person could change your outlook of the world. Yes, she read many books that talked about it, but it was usually the person your were in love with that, with his presence, would change your view on things. **

**For her it was the absence of a hated person that made everything better.**

**Wasn't that ironic? **

**She was in the hall, arranging flowers, a sculpted smile on her face, when the doorbell rang. **

"**Leave it Leann! I'm going!" she said to the maid. She walked to the door and opened it. **

**She was met by a pair of ruined, old shoes. The postman.**

**She looked up into the face of the tall, older man in his forties, with a grey ****moustache. He was so tall he blocked the sun. **

"**Hello, is Mrs. Evenson at home, right now?" he asked with his deep****, low voice, his face serious. **

"**Yes, I am Mrs. Evenson. Can I help you?" she asked. **

"**I am here to deliver a message, they told me to delivery it personally." He took it out from his bag, which was hanging to his side. ****A letter, little and a little wrinkled. **

"**Here. Now if you would sign here, please?" he handed her a paper and he pointed where the signature had to be placed. She barely noticed, all she was focused on was the letter. **

**Who would have possibly written to her, and for what? ****But she found no answer to that question. **

"**Thanks. Have a good day!" she shouted, while the man was already walking away.**

**She closed the door and looked at the letter resting in her hands. It was from the Army. **

**Her breath hitched. She was excited. **

**Maybe he was dead! At that she felt guilty for the smallest moment. Her parents always taught her it wasn't good to wish bad things to others. **

**She ran up the stairs, two at a time. She went to the bedroom and locked the door. She then sat down on her bed and slowly turned the letter over in her hands. **

**Maybe God answered her prayers. **

**She stared at the letter for a long time. And then, taking a deep breath, she opened it. She read it, and read it and re-read it.**

**It couldn't be.**

**Her eyes filled with tears. And it was in that moment, that Esme lost all her faith in God. **

**Charles was coming home. For good. **

**End of Flashback**

"So, Esme, what did you while I was away?" he asked her, while eating the soup Leann made for them.

"Nothing Charles, sitting around and praying for your return" to God, she added. He didn't catch her sarcasm.

"Good, so it seems you have been a faithful wife. A good wife." She noticed how he always pressed on that "good".

She nodded. He finished his dinner. He put down the cutlery and stood up.

"Come Esme." he said while reaching for her, he took her wrist and dragged her away from the table.

"But I haven't finished my soup!" she protested. In vain, obviously.

He made his way to their bedroom, opened the door, shoved her inside and then started to search frantically around her clothes, in the cupboard, throwing every item away, behind him. Like a hurricane, he left destruction in his path.

Esme sat on the bed, her eyes wide, thinking that he had finally lost it. And the only one who was going to suffer would be her.

He then went to repeat the procedure with the dirty clothes. He began to sniff them. Esme was truly petrified when he started to examine them thoroughly, as if he wanted to be part of the fabric.

"Mhmmm" he murmured in ….approval?

"It seems you have been faithful." his voice was doubting.

"I have." she responded, hoping he would believe her. She didn't want to be punished for something she didn't do.

"Well, we will see." he said, smirking to her. And then the torture began. But it wasn't like the last time, or even the first time they made it. That time, impossibly, she felt even less then the others.

* * *

It was almost half a year that Charles had been back. Half a year of percussion, abuse and brutality.

She was preparing the clothes for Leann. Today was the day for the laundry. She was putting in the last dress, when it occurred to her she didn't know what day it was.

She had lost track of time.

Being confined to the house, it happened.

She went to the kitchen, where there was a calendar Leann like to have there. She watched and, making rapid counts, that day was Thursday the twenty third of March, nineteen and twenty.

She was walking away when something flashed into her mind.

Her eyes, that she had closed, where shut tight as if she had just seen a terrible homicide.

She checked the date.

Oh no, no, no, no, no! No, not with him.

She tried a dress she bought a month previously. It didn't fit her.

And so, with her hands on the zipper, Esme broke down, she cried all the day.

She cried for her, but mostly for the baby that in some months away would arrive.

**An: aww, poor Esme, I'm so sorry for her…well, in a way it's my fault she's so unlucky…I'm the author :P. well, I like drama, if you didn't notice. We are near the climax of the story !!! I get 8 on my geography test about America! 8 is like a B…I think. Well the highest mark is ten so, make counts.**

**Until next time!**

**Baci **


	10. Chapter 10

**An: The much awaited chapter ten! yay! we are practically at the climax!**

**thanks to all my reviewers (sp???) the ninth was the most reviewed chapter! they made me sooo happy!:D**

**a special thanks goes to Catlover855, for the longest review i have ever seen! she asked me if i was going to finish the story at the meeting of Carlisle and Esme. my answer is : i don't know. it's up to you guys.**

**that story was originally born as a oneshot. now we are at chapter ten. i was planning to maybe divide it in two parts, two stories, and writing about all their story from their meeting to bella (pre-twilight). but i understand it's really long, and maybe you prefer something shorter. well, tell me in a PM or review.**

**ok, i have finished, sry but i had some things to say.**

* * *

" A ticket for Ashland, please" Esme's said to the ticket man. He was, she could say, short, and very fat, he also had a mustache , but he seemed friendly enough.

"Yes, ma'am." He said in a cheerful tone, then he averted his eyes to her stomach, he smiled .

"Going to visit the father?" he asked, then noticing her wedding ring.

She looked down, smiling a sad smile, while he handed her the rest and theticket.

"No, he's dead" she responded, her eyes far away. She wore an all black outfit, how could he have not noticed? She wondered.

His expression fell and he grimaced, "I'm sorry ma'am" he said, his voice grieving.

Esme seemed to return down to earth, "No problem" she answered, smiling wide.

And, in fact, there was no problem at all to her.

**Flashback **

Some weeks passed from the day she found out. She had morning sickness, but luckily she always slept in late, so, when she woke up, Charles wasn't with her.

She was an emotional wreck.

On one hand, she was excited, happy, euphoric, afraid and worried about this pregnancy. She wanted to be a mother, to have a child. To prove the feeling of having another being inside of you. A feeling of fullness. Have another world inside of you, another life, another being.

It was exhilarating.

On the other, she didn't want it to be that way. She didn't want it now, or with Charles.

She expected her first pregnancy, and the successive ones, to be with a man she loved.

Like that girl at the station, who was parting from her true love. They were truly in love. She wanted to have a child with a man she loved unconditionally, purely, truly. Not with a man she hated. Charles.

And how in the world was she going to tell him?

She was scared at the thought of him being a father. Him being in absolute control over another being.

If he had that control over Esme, who was an adult, even if a weak woman, who could say what he will do to a weak, unaware of the world, naïve child?

She shuddered at the thought.

But she had to. Her clothes didn't fit her anymore and she ate too much. Oh and don't forget of her stomach in expansion.

She decided to tell him one evening while they were silently eating. Anevening like many.

She was eating her macaroni pasta with tomato sauce, when, abruptly, she  
spit it out.

"I'm pregnant" she said, looking at a vase near her.

Charles didn't stop eating, his movements clam and composed, like his voice when he finally spoke.

"I suppose it's mine" he said, looking at her, his expression vaguely curios, almost amused.

She still didn't look up "Obviously" was the only thing she said.

"You bitch!" he screamed, and then he lunged at her.

He grabbed her hair, which made Esme let out a horrible shriek. Then he dragged up the stairs, her body scraped against the hard floor and the rough wood. She didn't even get the chance to stand up. He didn't let her. He took her to the guest room, the walls painted a dark red. He stop his march and left her in front of the bed. But he wasn't finished yet.

He started screaming prophanities and swears, while slapping her. Accusing her of be a whore who slept with every man in town, while punching her. Then he kicked her in the stomach once, then in the chest, knocking the breath  
out of her.

Esme thought she was finally be killed.

But God, or maybe Charles, thought differently, because then, abruptly he stopped. He was panting. He sucked in deep breath while standing, towering over her bleeding body, watching it with empty eyes. And then, as fast as he came, he went out of the room. Leaving her alone all night.

She just laid here, watching straight ahead, under the bed, her eyes wide. Thinking.

Only when the sun rose and its rays touched her face she knew what she had to do.

Leave. Because a child couldn't live in that cruel climate. Nor could she, not anymore.

She waited till noon, when she heard the front door slam. She slowly got up and, as if in a trance like state, packed her clothes, not all, and went down the stairs. She never stopped at the door, she just opened it and stepped outside. She never looked back to take a last glance.

She only went on, and on , and on.

She went at the station, where, in a bathroom, she changed her dress, wearing a black one. She then wore a black veil, black shoes and black coat. And then she tested her theatrical abilities.

Now she wasn't Esme the runaway wife, but Esme the widow.

End flashback  


"So, how are we doing today Mrs. Platt?" Doctor Sawyer asked Esme.

"Fine, I guess. I feel extremely tired, although the baby is not kicking as often as before " she said with a smile. It was her eight month of pregnancy and everything was fine. Or at least everything seemed fine. Doctors were good, and medicine made progress everyday, but there was no way to tell for sure if the baby was alright.

"I'm glad to hear that. Well, everything seem fine. We have finish here. Now you can go talk to Silvia " he said with a smile, chuckling when he saw her dress herself and heading toward the waiting room.

Silvia was the secretary of the doctor, a woman in her early forties, with brown curly hair always tied up in an up do, slender and thin silhouette anda friendly smile. She was also a great speaker, or rather a chatter box.

"So how did the visit go? Is everything alright? How is the baby? I'm so annoyed by the fact we can't know what its sex is! I think is a boy, and thrust me, I'm experienced. With seven children who wouldn't be?" Silvia said in her everlasting cheerful voice.

During her last months in Ashland, Esme befriended with Silvia a lot. She didn't know anybody in Milwaukee, where she stayed at her cousin's shortly after her leaving. She started talk to Silvia when she first came to the doctor.

She had never been to a gynecologist before, so she searched for comfort in the little, happy and nice secretary of his office. She found a friend. Mostly it was Silvia the one who really talked, but Esme didn't mind, because she talked a lot about her family. Her children.

She had so much to say. On day it was the older who didn't wanted to work, another the third girl who wanted a dress they couldn't buy, another time it was the littlest who was afraid of the dark and the second to last who didn't like vegetables. Esme found it funny, comforting. A family, as crazy as it could be, it was a family. It meant home, someone who would have never left you, no matter what. Sure sometimes it could be annoying, boring, stressful and insane, but it was home.

And then, Esme learned lots of thing about babies: how to change them, how to feed them, how to comfort them, how to scowl them. A complete course on parenthood from childhood to puberty. It was perfect.

"It went well Silvia, like always. We are almost here!" Esme said, smiling excitingly, jumping slightly up and down.

"Esme, don't worry, everything'll be alright. And birth isn't really that painful. It's almost pleasurable." Then she gestured Esme to came closer, so to not be heard by other women.

"I'll tell you, it's similar to an orgasm" she said, smirking.

Being with Silvia for some months, made Esme learn lots of things she didn't know before. Lots of things. Silvia was very worldly-wise, and experienced. Hell she had seven children!

Esme blushed "Oh" was the only thing she could say.

* * *

That night Esme was on her bed, in the hotel she was staying at, eating an apple when she felt a terrible pain in her stomach. She jumped, but relaxed when the pain stopped.

After few minutes there was another one, and then another. She was scared, maybe something was wrong with the baby. But then, as the pains grew closer

to each other, she knew that the baby was alright. It was her who was not going to be so alright.

She started calling for help, hoping the annoying woman who occupied the room next to hers would come and see the reason for all that noise. Luckily she did and, after seeing Esme in her condition, she called the receptionist, who called the doctor, knowing the number thanks to all the times he had to do it for Esme.

The birth wasn't as bad as she thought. Silvia was right.

After the last push the doctor said her the baby was out, and she relaxed.

That was a start, a start for another life. Their new life. She relaxed in the silence embracing the room.

The silence.

Her eyes snapped open.

The baby wasn't crying.

She saw doctor Sawyer and Silvia try for half hour to bring the baby to shout. But the silence stayed.

That deafening silence.

And when the doctor and Silvia took off their masks and looked over at her with sad eyes, she let blackness embracing her too.

* * *

Lung infection. So stupid.

She didn't succeed at be a good daughter, she didn't succeed at being a good wife and she didn't seceded at be a good woman. But that was probably better, she wouldn't have succeed at be a good mother, either.

They couldn't know. But her body should have prevent this. She was made for produce another beings. Her body was made for it.

Why couldn't she have only one thing right in her life? In herself?

That was what plagued Esme's thought while she was walking.

She made her decision.

She didn't have a husband. She didn't a have family. She didn't have a position. She didn't have her baby.

She couldn't do anything. She didn't want to do anything. Her life was ended. Finished.

She continued to walk.

One, two, three more steps.

She took a deep breathe, letting the pure, fresh, sharp air filling her lungs.

She opened her eyes and took in everything she could see. She smiled.

She made her decision. Soon, she will have everything. Her baby.

Peace.

And so, still smiling she moved her right leg ahead.

And so fell, off the cliff, in the rough sea.

First she felt only the cold water invading her lungs, then the cold was everywhere, then she went numb.

Unresponsive. But in a sick, tortuous way still aware of everything. Of the pain, of the loss. The utter hopelessness.

Days, hours, seconds, she didn't know. Time passed, because time always passes, and then she went out her state of numbness.

Because she felt something, something she won't have to forget for the rest of her existence.

She felt cold again. And then the fire started.

* * *

**An: ok who will we see next chap? uhmmmm...i really don't know! ihih**

**tomorrow i have an English test...I hope it'll go well! now i'm going study Latin. wonderful. anw i'm happy because I get 8 in greek.**

**do you know what makes me happy too??????????? **

**-drumroll-**

**REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D**

**Baci**


	11. Chapter 11

**An: here chapter 11. it took me long enough! it was a very complicated chapter.**

**IT'S VERY CONFUSING!!!! at least i think so, but it had to be that way. who likes clear things anyway? not me...**

**thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooo much to my beta Lizbre. i wouldn't know what to do without you!**

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"So, what are we going to do, genius?" Edward asked from the armchair he was sitting on.

Carlisle was pacing up and down in the room, watching occasionally the girl on the sofa.

"I don't know!" he said loudly, throwing his hands in the air.

"Well, since you are the one who changed her, it's expected you did I for a reason. What?" he asked grinning.

Carlisle thought of the past evening, when everything started.

**Flashback**

"**Here's another one" grunted the old man who carried corpses to the morgue , pushing a trolley where, under a light blue veil, lied a new cadaver.**

**A new death, another life ended. That though saddened Carlisle.**

**In a way he was more comfortable amongst the dead, maybe because he was one himself. But, perhaps because of that he preferred the living part. The job where he could help people to live, not analyzing dead people. But, as a doctor, he had to do that too.**

**He got up from his sitting position behind the desk.**

**Everything was dark, his eyes didn't need much light, so there was only the moon's rays to lightened the place. That was the moment he liked the most. While during the day everything in that room was white it was almost painful for eyes, during night the moon transformed the place from white to a light blue, deep and calming. **

**He moved toward the corpse, who was still covered, while reading its label.**

**Twenty-six, female, height, weight, identity none, particular signs none, cause of death drowning.**

**What a painful way to die, he thought.**

**And then he took off the veil.**

**He didn't immediately look to the corpse, but when he did it he was shocked.**

**Because he knew that face, it was familiar even though it seemed as if it came from a dream. It was far and blurred. **

**But he was sure. That was the sixteen year old girl who broke her leg climbing a tree in Columbus. Her warm smile, her caramel hair, her pink lips.**

**Everything was here, then it wasn't. That wasn't the same girl he met ten years previously, the light left her features.**

**But maybe it was because she was dead.**

**He felt a pang of sadness. He felt deeply touched by the death of that girl.**

**She had so much yet to live, so many things to do.**

**Life really was**** unfair.**

**He heard the noise from the carrier's van as he went away.**

**Carlisle found himself alone, utterly alone between the unliving. At home, technically.**

**He then returned to his desk, enjoying the silence as he read a book, when he heard it.**

**It was faint, far, as if from a dream. That night everything was surreal.**

**But it was indeed there.**

**An heartbeat. Slow, but steady. Stubborn and fierce.**

**The symbol of life. Life that fight against death till the last.**

**He closed his eyes, concentrati****ng on the sound. **

**He put down the book and followed his ears. When he opened his eyes he saw a neck. His cheek was resting on a soft white breast, over his blonde hair there were caramel ones.**

**It was her.**

**He then bit her.**

**He didn't even think about it. He acted on an instinct. He had a good feeling about the woman. He looked down at her as he picked her up, then he proceeded to run out of the building into the forest, to his home. That was a good choice. Yes, he definitely had a good feeling about that slim body, sweet face and big round eyes.**

**When he arrived home, on the porch was standing a fuming Edward.**

**He was so dead.**

**End flashback**

"Smart Carlisle, really smart" Edward said, having read his thoughts.

Carlisle was starting to get angry "Edward, what would you have done? She was so young! She has the right to live"

"But now she's dying, if that didn't occur you" he said, smugly.

Carlisle sighed, looking at his feet "I know, I did what I could".

"You could have done nothing. You don't change every sick child you cure, every paralyzed man you see, every dying woman you try to save. Why couldn't you in that situation?" he calmly asked.

"I don't know!" he shouted, exasperated. Then, cooling down, Carlisle sighed.

"I don't know, Edward. I couldn't. You are a rational person, you over think everything. Your motto is 'mind over matter'. I am different, I depend on my emotions. I try to keep them in check, but sometimes I slip-" he then was interrupted by a scream. The girl's scream.

They both looked at her. She was still as if asleep, but her face showed immense pain. A pain that would never ceased to be within her.

"It's funny. You've never slipped with humans, but you decided to slip with her. How opportune." Edward mused, chuckling while exiting the room.

Carlisle, stopped, looking at the young girl, her tear streaked face, enlightened by the fire of the lantern.

Did he make the right choice? Was this really the best option, for her?

For her. He realized he didn't ask her. Well he obviously hadn't asked Edward for permission either, when he changed him. But Edward was young, a little older than a child, plus his mother asked, pleaded for him to save her son.

Esme did not.

Esme hadn't anybody to plead him to save her, at any cost. She wasn't a child, she was a full grown woman. She was older than him! In human years, of course. And she wasn't sick. She had drown, or so they thought.

He found himself thinking about her death. She was in the open ocean, at the mercy of the current in the cold water.

She was twenty six, a responsible, mature woman who knows the risks of swimming when the sea is rough. So why? She had to be overwhelmed by the current, maybe she was thrown against the rocks because her body was covered by scratch and scars.

He then thought, his eyes still fixed on her face, he found something different in her face, when he first looked at her.

It was then pain. But not the one inflicted by the venom, the process of changing into a vampire. Another type of pain. An emotional one, caused by a loss, maybe. The loss of her husband, perhaps. The war ended years ago, but when you lose your loved one, time doesn't count. The pain is still ardent as if happened the day before.

Emotional pain was a rip-off. Unlike physical pain, it never ended. When you get a cut, first it hurts like hell, then, day after day, the pain ceases, you feel it less often. Then you see the scar, but it doesn't hurt anymore. And then you completely forgot about it.

Emotional pain cannot go away. You can lessen the pain, sedate it, make yourself immune. But it's there, right behind the corner, ready to attack you. Emotional pain would never heal, it will continue to make you bleed, every day like the precedent, every day a little more than the precedent. It was not a cut.

"No! No!" the woman whimpered, her brows narrowed at the point it looked like a long, unique line. Her face was wrinkled, due the position and the ache of the venom.

She said no. No, to what?

"Thomas" she whispered, her voice hurt, pleading.

Here it goes. The husband, she's being delirious, Carlisle thought.

When she will woke up, it will be hard, he mused. She was probably dreaming about be with him. A dream, in fact. Of course, he was assuming.

His eyes widened in horror.

He took for granted the idea she was alone. But maybe she wasn't. Maybe she had a family, a child, an husband. And he took it away from her.

"Please, you're being ridiculous" Edward scoffed, entering the room, a book in his hands.

"She would have lost it anyway, so please don't blame yourself. Not now, at least. What is done, it's done" he said.

"Maybe you're right" the blonde vampire said, looking at the bronze haired one.

"Not maybe. I am" the young responded.

Carlisle attempted a smile. Then he returned to his thoughts.

But, he had to consider another possibility.

Maybe she was alone. Maybe her husband did die, maybe her life was miserable, maybe she didn-

He stopped the thought, taking a step back from the woman's figure.

No, it couldn't be. Not her, not that sweet and warm little girl from the Ohio.

"Maybe it can be" Edward said, looking sadly at him and then at the woman. He too arrived to Carlisle conclusion.

It made sense. The bruises, the drowning.

Maybe she did want to drown.

Maybe she committed suicide.

She wanted to end her life, go to her beloved ones, and what did he do?

He gave her eternal life.

Wonderful.

Now she will hate him. How could she not?

Here it went, a stranger who cancelled her plans for her afterlife.

From a suicide to everlasting life. She will kill him. Everyone would do it. He understood, it was quite right.

Who did he thought he was to interfere with her life, or death?

He was only a doctor who cured her ten years before. She wouldn't probably even remember him. He should have done his job, look at her cartel and walk away.

But there was an heartbeat, her body refused to die. She had the chance to live, a chance many other people didn't have. This chance should never go wasted. Life cannot go wasted.

It wasn't as if she was dead. She was technically alive. He did what he could to save her.

But, he thought again, maybe he should have proved the orthodox techniques first, the human ones, the medical ones. But he didn't know if there was something medicine could have done, not without study the case, have the proper machines and medicines…

And her heartbeat was so faint. He couldn't waste time. He couldn't lose her.

He wondered why.

He hadn't ever be egoistical in his whole existence, or so Edward thought.

So why had he been with her?

Why did he feel so connected to this girl? A girl he only knew a day. Ten years ago. People change, she wasn't sixteen anymore.

So why did he do this?

He was alone for two hundred years, lonely in this big, vast planet. And then, in few years, he changed to people.

But Edward, was justified. He was young, sick. And Carlisle needed a companion. A friend.

Why did he need her?

Then, anticipating his next thought, Edward asked him, "What will she be? What will her role be with us? What will she be to us?"

Carlisle didn't answer.

Because in that moment the whimpering, the cries, but most importantly the heartbeat ceased.

And there was silence. The silence of death.

They both turned toward the petite body on the sofa, still as a statue.

Carlisle walked to the sofa and kneeled beside it, leaning his head over hers. Near hers.

She then, at that moment, opened her eyes.

She looked at the ceiling, blinking several times, a curious expression on her face.

She then turned her head to the right, where she saw with the corner of her eyes a figure.

Carlisle met a pair of deep red eyes.

He smiled, feeling strangely joyful and scared at the same time.

He then, for the first time in ten years, pronounced a name he didn't say in years. A name his tongue felt so familiar.

"Esme".

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**An: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finally! now it comes the good part... BUT! there'll still be lot of drama.**

**cause this part is more full, it will take me some time to write each chapter. from now on I'm writing what's in my head. completely.so...uff lots of work.**

**my english test went super well!!!! i took...like an A you could say. i'm so happy.**

**to increase my happiness you know what you can do???????**

**no???!!!!**

**Review!**

**baci**


	12. Chapter 12

**An: soooooooooooooooooorry for the wait, but this week school was hell, today i had a version of 15 lines! omg then i got a C+ in math...i hate algebra!!!!!!!!! anw i had a slight writer block on this chapter. i didn't know how to write what i wanted to write. i think it's pretty boring. and sad. like always, but the happy part is coming. i like slow things, so i'll take my time to make everything fall into place.**

**hope you enjoy it! good reading!**

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"Doctor Cullen?" Esme said, her voice disbelieving.

It couldn't be.

She vividly remembered jumping off the cliff, the cold water in her lungs, the darkness and then the pain.

The man widened his eyes.

"You remember me?" he asked. How could has she not remember him. A man of such beauty, such kindness, such culture. The only man who has ever treat her like a person, rather than an animal.

"Yes" she simply said, staring into his eyes, which were very near her face. She could clearly see his eyelashes, one by one, a bright golden, like his eyebrows, two perfect lines, as if drawn by Michelangelo.

Then he regained his calm attitude, changing once again in Doctor Cullen.

"So Esme, how do you feel?" he asked her, a little embarrassed.

"Fine" she paused, thinking about it. She felt wonderful. And that wasn't normal. Not at all. "More than fine actually. And I know for sure I shouldn't be here" she said, looking at the floor and then at Carlisle.

His eyes widened in fear "Oh yes, I know this is very improper, you in my house, and we're not… but..." he stuttered completely panicked, standing up.

"What I mean is" she said, her voice loud to interrupt him " I shouldn't be here. Alive. On Earth." She said, outstretching her arms toward him, to pull him down to her level, while she sat upright on the sofa she was laying on.

"Oh" he said, looking at the Bordeaux carpet.

"Do you know how?" she asked.

"How what?" he said, confused.

"How is it possible I am still alive" she spoke, slowly spelling every word.

"Oh yes. Well, it's complicated " he said, looking straight into her eyes. Then she heard the door shut, but she didn't turn to see what made it shut. It was probably the wind.

Carlisle stood up, then he sat next to Esme on the soft sofa, taking her hands in his. They were big, with long fingers, perfect nails, not feminine, but not the short, ugly ones man usually have, they were cold and white as snow. But while she looked at his hands, she noticed hers were like his. White, snowy white.

She looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"So?" she prompted.

"Well, Esme, what is the last memory you have?" he asked her after a little pause.

"I remember." she didn't want to say to him she attempted suicide, so she lied "falling in the water, I slipped and fell off the cliff" she explained.

"Well, yes. Do you remember anything else?" he asked her, squeezing her hands gently.

"I remember the water, the cold water in my lungs, on my skin. I remember the darkness and pain" she said, a far off look in her eyes "I thought I was dying" she added with a smile.

"You weren't wrong" he said, turning his head, looking at the library.

Before she could even begin to formulate a question he went on.

"What do you see Esme?" he asked her.

"You"

"Yes, but how am I ?" he asked her. Such strange questions.

"Well, you have blonde hair, golden eyes, pale skin and your temperature is very low" she added, looking at the floor.

"Now, look at yourself" he said, reaching an arm behind him to take a mirror, he handed it to her.

"What do you see?" he asked her.

She look at her reflection bored at first. But this only lasted few seconds because she saw them.

A pair of deep, red eyes, pooping out from a face that wasn't hers.

The face who was reflected was wonderful. The woman's face was pale, white as a cloud, her lips were the faintest pink , her slightly curled caramel hair framed her flawless face. Everything was wonderful, she was like a Greek statue, her beauty standards were perfect.

She touched the mirror, to prove herself that was the truth.

The beautiful woman, reached her hand too. She was mimicking her movements.

Esme then proceeded to touch her face. The woman did it too.

Esme's sense of touch was different. Her skin felt smooth and soft under her hand, she caught every little detail.

The woman did all her movements.

It was official.

The woman was her.

She then placed the mirror on her lap, and looked at Carlisle.

"How?" she asked.

He smiled a little smile at her, and asked again.

"What do you see?"

She then answered, realizing what he meant.

"We're the same" she said, her voice low but full of awe.

He kept smiling. "Yes, but tell me, haven't you noticed something different  
in me?" he asked her.

"No you're the same you were-" but then she interrupted herself, realization hitting her full force.

Her eyes widened "You're the same you were ten years ago, you haven't changed a bit" she whispered.

"And neither will you, anymore" he said.

She lift her head, her eyes questioning once again.

"Esme, you see, me, and now you too, aren't… common. We are special, we aren't humans." He said. She thought he was joking, but he was deadly serious." You see, I'm a creature who is feared by people, probably you feared me too when you were little. The pain you remember was the sign you were changing into the same creature I am. I'm sorry for what I did, it was unfair to you, you should have had the possibility to choose. I only hope you won't hate me too much." he trailed off, his head turning toward the library again, it seemed as if he was talking to himself rather than to her.

"Carlisle, I'm confused. Changed? Creature? Feared?" she shook her head in a confusing way.

"I'm a vampire" he said, turning to her.

"And now so are you".

She stared at him, blinking rapidly, before speaking.

"What do you mean?"

And so he began telling her all the details, or rather the important ones: the capabilities, the powers, the changing process and their style life. Drinking animals.

"Do you want to stay with me or do you think you wouldn't want to suffer anymore?" he asked her, half jokingly.

"I think I want to stay and try to live in a human way" she said with a little smile at her joke of words.

They laughed briefly and then Esme thought about something so obvious she felt silly for not having thought about it yet.

"Carlisle, you said we are technically dead" he nodded " but can we die? I mean, if we are already dead." she trailed off.

She wanted to be capable of dying. She was supposed to die, she wanted to. She even threw herself off of a cliff to be able to be with her child. She still wanted to be. The mere thought to not be able to see him ever again made her ache inside, bleeding. She couldn't afford it, it would have been like loosing him two times.

While she was changing and she felt that incredible pain she was happy in a way, she thought that was the procedure, for lack of a better word, for finally be in heaven, or at least purgatory, with her child, her little son. But, when she opened her eyes, even if she was meet by a creature so similar to God, it wasn't him. She wasn't with her child. Her time on this Earth was not on end.

"And it would never be" a bronze haired boy said, appearing out of nowhere, leaning on the doorway.

"What do you mean?" she asked slightly afraid, looking between the boy and Carlisle, who hung his head with a sad sight.

"We can die, Esme, if another of our kind decide to kill us: he'll have to rip us apart, in pieces and then burn them. But not unless you irritate someone to this point, or ask someone to end you." he trailed off, and her eyes widened, anticipating that terribly feared answered.

"No, no" she whispered shaking her head, slowly standing on her feet, backing away from Carlisle as if he was some kind of predator, ready to attack her.

His grip on her hands tightened as he felt them slipping away from his.

He then finally spoke "You will never die".

"No!" she screamed, her face contorting as if some kind of enormous pain, as if ready to cry, to break down. She liberated her hands from their place in Carlisle's, moving them to her mouth.

Her time on this Earth wasn't finished. And it will never be, she realized.

Then she turned and, bumping into the boy, exited the room, searching for a door.

She ran to a door under the staircase and closed herself in.

She slid down the door, sitting on the floor, her knees at her chest due the little room available.

She put her arms around her knees and began sobbing.

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**An: so this is it. she's hysterical (sp?????) well, you know...**

**poor Esme...what a mean author, she's really a bitch!**

**oooops, it's me?:P**

**ok i lost it. this is the side effect of studying too much!:'''''(**

**please review like you did last chapter, the most reviewed!**

**Baci**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: I love Halloween! because it means...Holydays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but my wonderful teachers gave me and my friends looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooots of Hw. Joy...NO!**

**Uff that chapter was a little dificult to write, and i didn't have much time. you should think the first year of Hs is difficult...but the second id Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg.**

**this chapter is sad...i was watching Grey's Anatomy, the episode where she almost drown...tear tear. these first chaps of her change and settling (sp???) are a little boring, but necessary. i'll try to move on fast, because i don't enjoy write them so much myself.**

**Happy reading!**

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She stayed in that cupboard for three days. Three whole days. Her sobbing could be heard in all the house, it didn't matter where you were, what were you doing. It was as if she was right next to you.

Carlisle felt exactly that way. It was atrocious. Whenever he and Edward crossed paths in the hallway or in some other room they would only look at each other desperately and sighed, exasperated.

Edward was almost constantly out hunting, his eyes brighter than ever.

Carlisle on the other hand was the one who had to handle the situation.

He spent the majority of his time reading in his study, at the hospital, from which he would have to quit soon, and the door.

The cupboard door.

He spent almost all afternoons and nights on the floor, his back leaning against the wood of the door, his head thrown back, against the door, right behind hers. Sometimes he felt stiff so he would change position: a leg stretched on the floor and the other folded, his forearm resting on it. He stayed there for hours, listening to her sobbing sometimes muted by silence.

He sat there, thinking while listening to her breath, his eyes unfocused.

He thought about what he had done to her. It was his fault. It was his fault she was in a dark cupboard, alone, crying her nonexistent tears, pouring out her soul. It was his fault she screamed desperately in the middle of a sunny day. It was his fault she couldn't enjoy the sun anymore. It was his fault she now loathed herself. It was his fault.

But he kept sitting there. He wanted to made amend for his act.

Surely he couldn't go back. He was immortal, not God.

But he wanted, needed to apologize to her, to that little, delicate woman with big sad eyes, and lovely lips who now, for his selfishness, couldn't have peace.

And then, if he didn't do anything soon, Edward would have go mad.

So he waited.

And waited.

Because, even though they had eternity at their hands, there was something that, sooner or later, would have made her itself.

Thirst.

Esme was a newborn. She hadn't fed yet. Today or tomorrow, she would have had to feed.

And, as planned, that day arrived.

Edward was out, like always, hunting in new places to test the new animals.

Carlisle was sitting on the floor, agonizing at each sob, each scream Esme gave.

Then it stopped. Not a breath, not a sound.

His head snapped up, looking right in front of him, even if he was concentrating on something behind him.

Clothes. The sound of clothes. A smell from the door. The squeak of the handle. The handle turned down.

He rapidly stepped way from the door, straightening himself, smoothing his clothes, his expectant gaze turned to the door.

But now to the woman who appeared at the door.

Her clothes were wrinkled, but she had an elegant aura anyway.

She looked at him, her eyes reflected in his and his reflected in hers. There was a long silence.

"I'm thirsty" she said, interrupting the tense atmosphere.

Carlisle seemed to return to the real world.

"Oh, yes. Sure. Do you want me to show you how to hunt?" he asked her, directly, without beating the bush. At that point it was pointless.

She seemed to hesitate, but, in the end, she trusted him.

They went outside, walking slowly till the end of the garden, where began the savage forest.

"Well, now we have to run. Don't worry about it, it would be natural for you. Don't worry about the speed either, if you are slower than me I'll keep up with you. I don't mind" he said, smiling a smile, he hoped, was reassuring.

"Mhmh" was all she said.

They then proceeded to run. Esme at the beginning was cautious and controlled, but then she began to speed up. She was as fast as Carlisle. They kept running until Carlisle smelled a deer. For the first time it was the perfect prey, then as time passed by and her ability would have been better, they could have hunted bigger animals.

Well, she could have hunted.

Carlisle stopped to watch her chasing the deer.

That was another black point. The hunt.

Usually he and Edward hunted together, it was an habit, plus they were only in two. Now they were three. And Esme was a woman. A woman who spent the first three days of her new life crying in a dark cupboard.Would have she wanted to hunt together? Or alone? With Carlisle? Or Edward?

A thought crossed his mind. About Edward and…

But he pushed it away. He couldn't afford to think about it. Not now.

He focused himself on her. She was running after another deer, with the corner of his eye he could she two carcass. Although she was a newborn, she had good control.

The corpses weren't torn apart, and she, as far as he could see, wasn't very dirty. He smiled remembering the first time he took Edward hunting. He dirtied himself completely, it remind him of a baby who eat the soup for the first time with the spoon all by himself. The result was always: lots of soup around the kitchen and on his face, none in his stomach.

Esme was finishing her sixth deer, and was making her way towards him, looking everywhere but at him.

He smiled at her, hoping to reassure her she was safe.

"Well, Esme, you were very good at this. I'm surprised." He sighed " Now, if you don't mind, I have to feed myself. Can you bear to wait me, or do you prefer to return home? I can accompany you, if you aren't sure you can find the way" he said, insecure of himself.

After that outburst Esme had, he was scared that a word pronounced unthinkingly and she could break. Like a glass doll.

"No, I'm fine, thank you. I'll walk around while you hunt." She said still looking at the wood.

"Alright then" and then they began run.

Carlisle spent two hours, or so he thought, hunting in the middle of the forest. He liked the peace the forest gave him. The silence.

But then, like when he was home, the silence was broken.

And, like the last three days, by a sob.

He was so attuned to that sound, he could have recognize it among thousands.

Esme.

He freed his prey, giving him another day of life, and ran toward the sound.

Sure enough, in a little dark, circular, flowerless clearing. With her back on a tree, her forehead on her knees and her arms around her, there was Esme.

She didn't hear him approach.

He sat next to her, unsurely caressing her back. She continued to cry for half an hour, then she lifted her head and looked at him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes dry but puffy.

He didn't respond, instead he asked her "Why are you crying Esme?"

She was silent for a long moment before she opened her mouth to speak.

"I feel lonely" she responded, avoiding his gaze.

He lowered his head "Why?"

"I don't know. I feel so lost. I don't have anybody anymore. Not a friend, even less a lover. Nobody to make me feel safe. Nobody I know, nobody I can talk with. And I'm something new, and I'm terrified because I don't know how to handle this situation. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, to think, even to feel!" she said, her voice louder. But Carlisle didn't care. She was opening up to him. She was talking. He continued listening.

"I feel like the world is. a stranger to me. I don't recognize it anymore. I feel like I've been catapulted to a different planet, where there are different people than me, who don't speak my same language. And I can't communicate with them, I can't make myself understand them" she said, her  
face calm but pained at the same time.

"I can hardly recognize myself, Carlisle" she said looking in the woods, her arms along her sides now, she was sitting with her back completely against the tree. "And it's scares me" she added, finally looking at him.

He looked at her. He observed her. Then he took her hand in his, squeezing it gently.

"You are not alone Esme. I'm here. Edward's here. I know we aren't much, we aren't what you want, but that's all we can do. I'm sorry for what I did to you, if only I -"

"You don't need to apologize Carlisle. I'm not sad or angry for what I am. I thank you, really. But I'm disoriented." She said with a small smile on her face. This time it was her who wanted to reassure him.

"It's normal. It's absolutely fine. You will adjust with time, with my help. I'll be there for you. You have a question? I'll answer it. You have a worry? I'll comfort you. You have a fear? I'll help you fight it. If you want me to, obviously. But anyway, wanted or not, I'm here Esme. To help you. And  
so Edward. You are not alone, you will never be." He said, slightly embarrassed by his words. But they were true. He meant them.

She looked at him, and for a moment he was sure she would have burst out crying again.

Instead she fell into his arms and began sobbing quietly. But it wasn't the same sad, agonizing sobbing. It was the freeing cry of a prisoner who has been liberated after many years, the cry of a mother who see her son returning from the war.

His arms went instinctively around her, rocking her gently. They stayed like that, till next morning, against the tree in the dark, little flowerless clearing.

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**AN: Ohh poor my Esme. well i know it's sad, but really, when i read ff when, for example,Bella is changed by Edward when they don't even know each other ans she's all happy and joyful I get angry. it's not possible you are happy to have your life ended by a person you don't even know! it's not normal. for Carlisle and Esme is different because they already knew each other a little. But she's still sad, as you can see. **

**ok, stop rambling.**

**Thanks sooooooo much to my Beta!Lizbre, I don't know what i would do without you.**

**Question? Doubts? ask me.**

**Review, please!:D i'd like to reach 100 by chap 15, please!**

**Baci**

**Marta**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: sry for the wait. i just saw the last episode of Grey's Anatomy with a friend of mine on YouTube.in English. i understood what Cristina was saying, but Burke (???) was more difficult...his words were slurred, but i understood the meaning. i'm sooooo sad. today me and 2 of my friends did a paper on U.S.A. don't say that word again! i officially hate America (not offense). how many wars did they do??????????????????????????????????i have to study them all!!!!!!!!!**

**somebody shoot me now!**

**i got less reviews...but i still loved them! thanks so much! i have a wish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'd like to have, from now on, at least 10 reviews for chap pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! with a cherry on top (i don't really understand what does mean...but it seems innocent enough...and then...ppl always say it, even in OTH!)**

**anw thanks to my wonderful, marvelous, amazing, awesome...i finished the words...beta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

* * *

When they arrived home, Carlisle went to his office, reading, Esme assumed.

She stood in the middle of the hallway, thinking briefly about the hunt. The thrill of the kill. The emotions she felt when she held a deer, the warm blood in her mouth, sending an electric shock through her body. And then the marvelous feeling of the speed, the wind on you're face, the wildness but at the same time the control you have. You see everything, you absorb everything, every detail, every touch, every color, every sound, every smell.

Esme thought about the smells she captured in the forest. How the trees were musky, intense but in the background, eclipsed by others, no better, but surely more powerful scents. The animals. The deer was delicate but quite satisfying, like a marguerite. She liked it, very much.

It occurred her then that she didn't explore the house before. She decided to start with the living room.

She walked in only to be greeted by a boy. The same young boy she vaguely remembered being in the room when she woke up. He was beautiful, different than Carlisle. He was tall and lean, childish in his features, but strong and marked. She could tell by the deepness of his golden eyes, he wasn't as young as he appeared.

"Hello Esme, how are you today?" he asked, lifting his head from the book he was reading, turning to her, smiling a big smile. A teenage smile.

She smiled herself, at his sight and at the sound of that wonderful, so velvety, so silkily, so alluring.

"Hello" she said, adding no more as she didn't know his name.

He got up from the sofa, walking gracefully toward her, his hand outstretched as if to shake hers.

She extended her hand too, but he didn't do what she expected. He took her hand, cradling it gently with the other hand, and then placed the lightest kiss on her palm.

"I'm Edward, Edward Masen" he then made a funny face and gasped. "Oh, I forgot. Now it's Cullen" he said, realizing he still held her hand.

She kept smiling, almost giggling at his funniness. He lightened the mood.

"I'm Esme, Esme Platt Evenson" she responded, accustomed to say her husband's surname too.

"Nice to meet you Esme, finally" he said, a small smile still on his lips.

"Nice to meet you too". She lowered her head.

She looked around, noticing the expensive furniture, in dark, shiny wood. The fluffy sofas, the bright chandelier. On the sofa, she saw, was a book.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your reading. Please go on. I'll just go looking around" she moved, turning to leave but he caught her forearm, turning her to face him.

"Please Esme, let me show you around. You've been here for almost a week and I haven't had the chance to actually meet you, or talk with you properly.  
We'll probably spent the eternity together, let at least talk some" he said, smiling playfully.

She smiled too, she liked him already "Alright then, show me".

"Well, well, well, let the tour begin. I think we should start with." he trailed off, putting a finger on his chin, looking as if in deep thought. He was quite funny to watch. Esme giggled.

Then, he drummed his fingers and said "I know! We'll start with the most important part of the house. The heart, the center! The. living room!".

"But we're already in the living room" she said.

"Better. We don't have to move" he said, jokingly, smirking a lopsided grin.

"Right" she agreed.

And so the tour began.

Edward proceeded to narrate every single story about every single piece of furniture.

And then he did so with the books too.

They stayed in the living room for an entire day and Esme didn't even noticed when Carlisle went out. She was to entranced by Edward's stories. He was a good teller.

In the afternoon he finally stopped.

"Have you finished?" she asked him smiling.

"Yes, I have" he responded. She didn't know who had their cheeks hurting more now, her or him. She hadn't stopped smiling once since yesterday.

"What time is it?" she asked him, looking around the room searching for a clock.

He turned toward the library, where on shelf there was pendulum.

"It's three o'clock"

Esme's eyes went wide with surprise.

"You mean, we stayed here a whole day?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Apparently" .

"So" he continued "do you want to see the rest of the house?" he asked her.

"No thank you, we have already spent a day in here, let's take an intermission. " she said, getting up from the floor and brushing her clothes from the eventual dust.

She looked around, abruptly remembering of Carlisle.

"He's at the hospital" Edward said.

She turned around to face him.

"I wasn't searching for him" she lied confidently, an innocent expression on her face.

Edward grinned her "Yes, you were" he said, slightly bowing his head.

"And how could you know? You're not in my mind" she said arrogantly, half jokingly.

"Oh I believe I am" he whispered, almost as if he talking to himself and didn't wanted to be heard by her.

"What?" she asked, taken a little back by his words.

"I read minds" he said, simply, as if he was talking about the flowers in the garden.

"What?" she repeated, her eyes even wider.

"I can read minds, Esme. I have to admit it, yours is fairly interesting. I see what Carlisle found in you" he said.

She was embarrassed by that last comment about Carlisle, but this reminded her about the doctor.

"So, mind reader, where is Carlisle?" she asked, like a know it all little girl.

"I've already told you. At the hospital. You should know he's a doctor since he was the one who cured you when you broke your leg" he said.

Of course, she felt so stupid for not having thought about it yet.

In that moment, she felt a pain. In her throat. A heavy lump, which occupied her thoughts, her feelings. A need, an urge. She had to satisfy it, now.

She knew what could have quenched that feeling. That delicate and marguerite like scent. A soft, tender, warm deer. She savored the memory of the taste in her mouth.

But she didn't feel ready to hunt alone, not yet.

She looked up at Edward. He was so young. He was funny, charming and beautiful. But she didn't feel safe with him.

She needed protection. Someone who could advice her, correct her without making feel her uneasy.

A father. A friend.

"When will Carlisle be home?" she asked Edward, not succeeding to hide the curiousness in her voice.

"I think sometime between six and seven. Why?" he asked her.

She shrugged.

"No reason, just curious. I want to learn the schedules in this house, if I'm going to stay her for some time" she half lied.

"Definitely a long time. If you wish, that's it." He said, bowing his head once more, while leaving her in the living room.

She started leaving the room herself, intending to go to her bedroom when it occurred her.

She didn't have a bedroom. Or if she has, she didn't know where it was.

Edward was long gone, somewhere she didn't know, and didn't intend to know.

She looked around the room once more, and then, after giving a long, deep sigh, she plopped down on the sofa, her hand folded on her knees, looking around the room completely bored.

And so she waited till Carlisle went home.

It was hard, but finally she hear the most wonderful sound in the world.

The keys noisily clattered in the lock. Quiet steps echoed in the hallway. Esme turned her head expectantly to the arch that collected the hallway to the living room.

Then she heard a deep, tired sigh.

And then she saw a shadow approaching upon the floor. She looked up and saw the thing she was waiting for since three o'clock.

"Oh" he said surprised "Hello, Esme".

She smiled.

* * *

**An: ok here's a scenes from my study session today.**

**Me: we have to cut some Presidents.**

**Friend: sure.**

**Me: ok.let's start.**

**Friend: we have to do Nixon**

**Me: nodding. but we have to do Kennedy**

**Friend: sure...john fi...what?**

**Me:Fitzerald.**

**Friend:oooooh...yeeeeeeeeah.**

**Me:oh we have to do Reagan, he's about the cold war.**

**Friend: we can't cut out Bush sr!**

**Me: Clinton is important, he's very recent.**

**Friend: Bush is the actual and I need to talk about him when i say about the Iraq War. oh and i need Carter too! For the Afghanistan thing!**

**Me: ok so how many have we cut out?**

**Friend: uhmmmmmmmmm**

**Me:uhmmmmmm**

**Friend: no one.**

**Me: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (start slamming head against the desk)**

**i hate UsA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (NOT REALLY...I ONLY HATE STUDYING IT)**

**HOPE YOU ENJOY IT**

**BACI**

**Marta**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: sorry for the wait. i'm terrible, i know. but school is really horrible. now i'm home, back from a teacher's lecture. she said that our class next year would be in very very very bad position. she say lots of ppl will be...rejected. they'll fail. and i'm scared because next year is the most hard!!!!!!!!!!!! she say we'll cry tears of blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh**

**she's the one i have to say the research, which i'm goint to study now. sooo confusing.:''''(**

**so I had the time to write this, is longer than last chap. hope you like it!**

**thanks to my wonderful beta Liz! always so patient...**

* * *

Another life saved. Another family happy.

Carlisle was on his way home, thinking about the surgery he did that day, how he had been able to save a six years old boy. Even though sometimes he hated himself for what he was, it was in times like that that he though it was really all worth.

He parked his car in the driveway. He wondered if Edward and Esme were still talking in the living room. They seemed happy that morning. They didn't even notice he was going to work. Esme was too thrilled by Edward's charm.

Edward's behaviour was strange. Usually he was quite and reserved, he didn't open up to people and he joked with them even less. But with Esme no. He did joke. He actually flirted with her. Wanting all her attention.

Maybe the thought he had been trying to push away during the hunting was true. Maybe Edward had finally met his soul mate. Esme was very beautiful and she seemed to enjoy Edward's company as much as him. They could have formed a good couple.

He would have been more than happy if Edward found his mate. But, maybe, if it wasn't Esme it would have been even better.

He was a little mad at Edward. He was the one who knew Esme since she was sixteen, he was the one who found her and changed her, Edward didn't agreed with him. He changed her, he was like her guide, he had the right to spend more time with her, him.

He stopped. What the hell was he thinking? He had the right? She wasn't his property, Esme was a free person, a free woman! What a selfish person he was. And irrational too! Her guide! Hmph!

He took the key and made them clatter in the lock. One, two, three and four round later, the door opened. He stepped inside, resuming his thoughts about the hospital while hanging his coat on the hanger sighing tiredly. It'd been a very long day at the hospital, indeed.

He walked in the living room, focused on the floor when he lifted his head in the proximity of the arch.

There, standing near the sofa, her posture expecting, was Esme.

She seemed very eager, almost jumping on her feet. Wow, Edward had a good effect on her. He thought.

"Oh, hello Esme" he said, surprised. He wondered why she was there.

She smiled at him, her face brightening. A true smile. She seemed really happy to see him. His breath itched slightly.

"So, what are you doing here in the living room?" he asked, moving toward her, motioning to sit on the sofa. "Have Edward finished the house tour already?" he asked jokingly.

She laughed "No, no absolutely not. We've only done the living room. We decided to do a room at time, day by day" he lifted his eyebrows skeptically.

"Alright" she confessed, turning toward him on the sofa "I was the one who requested a pause" and then, in a low voice, as if she was telling him a secret "I need to go hunt".

He was surprised. Obviously she needed to go hunt, she was a newborn after all. The question was: why she was there telling that to him?

"Oh, well. Why didn't you go with Edward?" he asked, hoping not to offend her. "Was he rude to you?" he asked, a little panicked and already angry. Edward was usually a gentleman, but sometimes Carlisle couldn't say what was going in that mind of his.

"Rude?" she asked, puzzled "Oh, no Edward was a perfect gentleman. I-" she paused "Think he's very interesting."

"Yes, Edward is really a good boy. He's like my son" he added.

She smiled slightly.

"Carlisle" she started, unsure and a little embarrassed.

"Yes, Esme?" he answered, leaning slightly toward her, as if he was an elder who, due to his little deafness, hold out the good ear at the speaker.

"Uhm, I was wondering. What's Edward?" she asked, looking down at her feet moving on the floor.

"I mean, what's the story? If you work at the hospital and socialize with people they would know about Edward, and he's too young to be your son so." she said in a rush.

"Oh, sure. How come I hadn't thought about that?" he said, in a scolding tone to himself.

"Let's sit, Esme" he gestured for her to sit on the sofa.

Once they were comfortable sat he began.

"So, so far the story was that Edward was the younger brother of my deceased wife. Now I suppose we should change it."

But how? He wondered. Edward couldn't pass older than twenty-five, and Esme could reach, maybe, thirty seven. So. what would people believe easily? Mmm . A teenage boy, a woman, and a man. oooh.

But, wasn't it inconvenient? What if Esme didn't want to play that part? What if, sooner or later he would have to play the part of the brother and Esme and Edward of a couple.  
No, he needed to get a hold on himself and on his thoughts.

"Alright, so" he said, focusing again on Esme, who had a confused expression on her pale face " what would you say if we tell that we, you and I are, something like." he cleared his throat. From what, he couldn't tell.

"Married", he finally said, exhaling a long, deep sigh.

She looked at him, taken aback.

That did it. He scared her. For all eternity what would she think of him?! What if she didn't want to stay all eternity?

Well, it wasn't his choice to make. He was just an outsider in her life, he didn't have any confidence or relationship with her. The thought didn't sit well with him. It shouldn't have effected him.

But it did. He felt some strange sensation at he thought at her leaving. Is it was a feeling of failure, sadness or melancholy he couldn't tell. But it wasn't something pleasurable.

"Married?" she repeated, tasting the world, like a child who samples for the first time a different food.

"Yes, we look of the same age so it would be the easiest thing to say, people would believe it without questioning. But if you don't want to I completely understand, we'll think of something else. We could say you are." but then he was interrupted.

"Don't worry Carlisle. It's alright to me. You can say what you want. I agree this is the easiest thing to tell, the most logical. And then, think about it: I won't be outdoors for a long time, so there's no need to worry" she calmed him, smiling a reassuring smile.

"Alright, so it's settled. We're a couple and Edward is your younger brother" he recapitulated.

"Alright. Clear" she said.

"So Carlisle, tell me more about yourself" she asked him, out of the blue.

"About me?" he asked, a little surprised.

"Yes, about you. I don't know very much about you, while you know practically everything of me. Please tell me" she gestured him to start talking.

"So I was born sometime in 1620's, in London" he started, but then he saw her smile.

"What?" he asked her half smiling himself. The image of her smile just made him happy too.

"Nothing, I just finally find out from where came your strange accent" she said, but then added "But it's nice, it gives you personality".

"I usually don't use it at the hospital or in public. Only at home" he said, justifying himself.

"So, I was saying, my father was a clerical, Anglican, a firm but obtuse believer. They were dark years, bloody years. People were superstitious and petrified. My father was one of the men who hunted witches, demons, werewolves and vampires." He said, noticing the serious expression painted on Esme's face.

"When he got too old, I took control over everything. I didn't really believe in all those superstitions until I found a real stronghold of vampires. A real one. I organized an expedition. Unfortunately the vampires were hungry, so they scared the crowd, who started running everywhere. I was being chased by one of those creatures and was bitten. I hide myself, scared of what would had  
happened to me if I had returned, so I went away. Away from my home, my homeland, the only world known to me. I wandered in the woods, disgusted by myself. Then, a night, when I thought I would have finally died" he paused briefly, cutting out the part where he tried to kill himself, he didn't want Esme to know these things about him " a flock of deer came near. I was so thirsty I  
didn't complain much. After I finished I realized that could sustain me in my life style. I could live on animals, like I did when I was a human, instead of killing people" he took a pause, gathering his thoughts.

Then he continued "I went to the continent. France, Germany, and then I settled in Italy. I stayed there for some years with a very powerful family, the Volturi, in Volterra, a little medieval city near Florence, in the Tuscan country. They amazed me. You have to understand that I never had any  
contact with one of our kind, except the creature who bite me. So I was amazed by their sophisticated manners, vast culture and elegant climate. It was refreshing. For the first time I wasn't in on different planet anymore, as you put it" they both smiled slightly at the memory, Esme a little  
embarrassed.

"But then, perfection has its flaws. And I found their. They were vampire, normal one, you could say. They fed off of humans and I simply couldn't stand it. I tried to make them change, but they tried just as hard to covert me to their way of life. There were no winners or losers. After some  
time I got bored and decided to explore the New Word. I came here in America and lived here until now, being a doctor. The rest is pretty boring" he concluded.

"Tell me Edward's Story" she asked, like a child who asks his father to tell him one more story before switching off the light.

He shook his head "It's not my story to tell" he said.

"I liked yours. It was very interesting, even if I have the feeling you didn't tell me everything. But." she emphasized "I'll find out".

"Now" she said, half laughing while standing up "Can we go hunting? I'm really thirsty".

"Oh, sure" he said, half gasping. They walked to the door and, when in the garden, started running for the woods.

Behind a corner of the house emerged a figure.

A tall, bronze haired boy looked at the couple with a smug and amused smile on his face.

This is going to be interesting, he thought.

* * *

**AN: here it is. hope you liked it. thanks to all the wonderful reviews i got last chapter! the most reviewed one.**

**so i'm going to ask again: at least ten reviews, please! big childlike eyes**

**Baci**

**Marta**


	16. Chapter 16

**An: sorry for the wait. i'm in a rush. my research went very well...I LOVE USA!!!!!ihihih...today at school i saw the Gladiator...i think it's the title...i love that film, i never get enough of it.**

**thanks for my wonderful beta Liz, for your services and time. sry i know sometimes i'm annoying. thanks for your patience.**

**happy reading!**

* * *

"So, that was the enticing story of the Wooden Table" Edward say. He had just finished to tell Esme the interesting history of the Wooden Table, as he called it, of their kitchen.

"My life is a whole lot better now" she said, laughing. With Edward she always laughed a lot. He was so funny and warm, almost like a sun, her personal sun.

He grinned "I'm glad. Now Esme, tell me. What do you think about hunting?" he asked her.

She gave him a perplexed gaze "Hunting? It's fine, I think. I went hunting only a couple of times, actually, so my experience is not vast, but I like it." She responded.

He nodded, his gaze focused on something far away "Sure. What is your favourite animal?" he asked her. That little questioning he was doing her was starting to made her suspicious. Where did he wanted to go?

"Uhm, well…I don't know. Really, I only went hunting twice and Carlisle made me hunt only deers, he said they were the good thing for starters" she concluded.

He was quite for a long time.

Esme thought about the reason he was asking her such silly question right then. They have had the entire afternoon at their disposal, but he started to ask at that moment. She really couldn't guess why. Why not in the kitchen? Or that morning, while she was reading in the library? Or, again, why not while they were both in the garden, walking quietly arm in arm? She couldn't phantom the reason.

But in the past days she grew accustomed to Edward's strange behaviour. He wasn't a stable person, emotionally speaking. On the contrary, he reminded her of a child: starved for attention. She felt like the adult of the situation with him.

With Carlisle it was completely different. With him she felt like she had to be in a certain way, the woman, the adult, the mature person who could see at the world with critical eyes and responsible nature.

"Carlisle is a good person, don't you agree?" Edward resumed talking.

"Yes" she said nodding vigorously "he definitely is a good man" she said, noticing briefly how Edward said "person" while she referred to him as "man".

"He's the best person I know, I don't think there are equals to him. And for what he had done to you…he's sorry. I know you may be angry with him, but he did it for the best, he couldn't know…" he trailed off.

"Oh no. I don't blame him. Believe me , my life before wasn't that great. He did me a favour, I enjoy the life I have now" she said, smiling.

He grinned a lopsided grin, his brand, "I'm glad you like it. For now. But when twenty, fifty, hundred years will be passed, I don't know if you will have the same pinion" he said sadly, looking outside the little room.

She looked confused.

He half laughed, listening to her confusing thoughts.

"You see Esme, now it's exciting. You have the sprint, the energy a new experience gives you. I understand that: the immortality, eternity at your feet, perfection in the mirror every time you looked at it, unlimited power in your hands. But after a while, when the excitement of the discover fades away, you start to see thing more clearly. You have power, but what if you don't use it properly?" he said as a rhetorical question, "You have beauty, but what advances can you take from it?" another rhetorical question, "You have eternity, but what pleasure can you take from it, if you don't have someone to share it with?" he asked.

Not a rhetorical question.

She had to admit to herself, she hadn't thought of it. Not at all.

What will she do if she didn't find her soul mate? What if he was a human? That would never work! Esme thought panicked. What if he was already dead? That was a possibility she thought about many times, since she was a young girl. What if your true love is already dead? She then worried about the possibility of him don't be born yet, but since she was a vampire, that problem was resolved.

Eternity. Alone.

That thought scared her to … well, death.

Of course, she could have Edward and Carlisle, but then they'll find a mate too…

She pondered about this probability and the more she pondered the more it seemed absurd to her. She couldn't process the words. Carlisle? A mate? No, she couldn't understand.

She was so deep in thought she didn't heard Edward leave the room.

It was unthinkable.

Carlisle was her guide, her property, she knew him she was sixteen, she was the one he changed, she arrived first, she had the right to spend more time with him.

She stopped. What the hell was she thinking? Carlisle wasn't a property. She had the right on him? What right? He probably didn't even see her as a friend let alone…

Stop, she thought to herself.

She had to stop.

But the possibility of another woman in her house, in her garden, in her territory simply made her non existent blood boil in her veins. How could she? Arrive and stole her all she had?

Now stop Esme, she scolded herself, you are angry at someone who doesn't even exist. For now, she added.

What would she do if that thief existed? Would Carlisle made her leave? No, obviously. But she saw the effect women have on men and maybe the thief could manipulate him into…

Now, this is getting out of hand. She said, whispering.

"What is getting out of hand?" asked Edward, entering the kitchen, his nose in a book.

She resumed her composure and a grip on the absurd thoughts.

"Nothing, silly things" she said, sighing "What are you reading?" she asked, in the hope to change the subject, praying he didn't heard her thoughts.

"What thoughts?" he asked her. But she didn't fell for it. She knew the game by now. He would ask her a question so she would instinctively think the answer. So she thought about butterflies.

He grinned at her "You're becoming good Esme" he said, and started to clap hands, the book under his arm "Very cunning, like a little fox" he said.

She smiled proudly.

"The book is Emma, by the way" he said, indicating the book "Have you ever read it?"

She looked at the cover "No, is it good?" she asked curiously.

"Yes, a little boring in some parts, but the story is quite amusing" he said.

"Amusing?" she asked tilting her head on the side.

"Yes, the main characters are in love with each other, but they don't express their feelings so the protagonist, Emma, makes a big confusion. To put it simply. But it's good." He said, the he handed the book to her "Read it".

She gestured her hands no "No, you're reading it. Maybe after you finish it" she said, not wanting to ruin his reading.

"I've already read it. Don't worry. Books can be enlightening" he said, cryptically.

"Thanks"

"So, you never answered me." He said abruptly.

"What?" she asked, stupidly.

"What do you think of Carlisle?" he asked her, spelling every words slowly. Edward has the strange impression everyone else is retarded, she thought.

"I have not" he said, a little offended, "So, are you going to answer me?" he pressured.

"I think he's the best man of the world. Look what he does, at the hospital, at home. He's always present, he's never angry or impatient. He's always kind and warm. Maybe he's so god at everything he almost made you feel in subjection **(REALLY AWFUL, I DON'T REMEMBER HOW TO SAY IT) **, but you can't. He's too gentle to makes you feel uncomfortable" she concluded, embarrassed at her own words.

Then they heard a noise of a shattered vase.

They ran in the hallway to find a tall silhouette looking in front of them.

A pair of wary eyes met Esme's ones.

Carlisle heard everything.

And then she could only think: Does he know?

* * *

**AN: hope you like it. this time i'd like fifteen reviews...is it too much? pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.**

**baci**

**Marta**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: here's chap 17. i was faster this time. So, it's mostly a filler. and it's from...i don't tell you ihih.**

**i forgot to say in the other chapter: i recommand you to read the story Moon Light by Alisweety, it's good and not the same old thing.**

**ok so...what to say? Thanks to Liz. you don't know who Liz is?????????? go read previous chapters.**

**Good reading.**

* * *

Life was boring.

Living on with nothing to do. Can't be out in the sun. Can't drink from humans. Can't be a University teacher due your youthful appearance.

Nothing to do.

Every day he had to sit around, while his friend, his companion, left him all alone at home, to do nothing but read.

Books, books, books and then other books.

No surprise he read romance books. He would have loved to be able to sleep. Romance books are not a good thing. All those…emotions. All that love. Everywhere. Even if from books love seemed a quite enjoyable feeling, he couldn't picture it. Two people who feel this strong attraction toward each other, who can't live without the other, two parts of the same apple, as Plato said.

But he never saw amongst humans a feeling like this. Maybe it was the reason they wrote about it, they didn't have it themselves.

Then, Esme arrived.

And she changed everything.

He watch the world from another perspective now. From the point of view of a woman. Sure, he had a mother during his humans years, but the customs were very uptight. With Esme he could be the child he'd never been. He could do embarrassing or annoying things, it was pointless hide behind common courtesy or fake manners, since they were going to live forever together.

He had no doubt about it.

Esme was going to live with them for a very, very, very long time.

He was always curios about her. Since Carlisle came home one night, ten years previously, thinking about a sixteen years old girl he cared for at the hospital. The way he thought about her. He looked upon her as if she was some sort of angel: a pure creature, who deserved everything only for the fact of existing.

Years passed and the girl never once crossed Carlisle mind again, but the memories were waiting in the wings, ready to jump out at the most unexpected time. Memories were cruel like that.

And then the memory in person came along. Running through the door, a petite body in his arms, Carlisle pushed him away, to make room for the woman.

He stayed with the beautiful girl all the time, never once leaving his position, admiring her beauty and torturing himself with guilt. Even when they were arguing, his eyes were on her.

And then she woke up. Ugh, no good. She was in hysterics and that pained the both of them. Strangely enough the girl remembered of Carlisle. She had good memories about him.

They left hunting and that time happened an important thing.

For the first time in two hundreds years, Carlisle opened up to someone. Excluding Edward, but he read his mind, so it didn't count. Esme could made Carlisle open up.

From that day on she changed. She was more open and Edward had the chance to really get to know her. Talk about books, songs, music. And then he guided her through the house. Obviously he couldn't press the tour at the minimum, or she would have always be a loner in that house.

But they needed her. Two men can't leave alone. The joy, happiness, vivacity a woman bring in a house is incomparable and irreplaceable.

And they needed all this.

After spending time with her, he could understand she had a…preference for Carlisle. He knew it.

She admired him with all of her heart, considered him the best person alive. He was perfect, for her.

And he knew what Carlisle thought about her.

He thought she was the kindest woman on this earth, a delicate flower which should be cured lovingly, protected from the evils of the world.

A father, a friend, some would say.

But Edward knew better.

He saw how they looked at each other, he heard what they thought about each other.

Those two people were in love. There was only a problem.

They didn't know it.

He had to do something. Theirs was a too deep love to be thrown away, just like that.

But what?

How can he make Carlisle understand she liked him? How can he make her understand Carlisle liked her? That was the dilemma.

The idea occurred him late in afternoon, when they were in the kitchen, and he had just finished narrating to her the history of a table he baptized the Wooden Table.

The hour was perfect. If he did everything in the good time, the plan will be perfect.

At first she noticed the questions were strange. Edward was always very reserved. He was a lover of privacy.

Everything was done with the most care, the entrances and the exits, the questions and the book.

Everything set to create the conditions. The situation was perfect.

He used the excuse of a book, one that he read most, and then talk about it, trying to emphasizes the key points.

And then, he heard him.

He was in the car, on his way home.

One, two, three.

Now.

"So, you never answered me." He said abruptly.

"What?" she asked.

"What do you think of Carlisle?" he asked her, spelling every words slowly. Edward has the strange impression everyone else is daft, he heard her thoughts.

He really couldn't fathom how she could not have heard him. He was making so much noise. But after peering into her mind he understood. She was to absorbed in her response to be aware of her surroundings.

"I have not" he said, faking to be offended, "So, are you going to answer me?" he pressured.

Who's this? Carlisle thought, while entering the main door. He walked quietly down the hallway at the height of the kitchen door, thinking it was Esme and Edward conversing, not wanting to disturb them.

That was, until he heard they were discussing about him. He stopped in the corridor, near a vase of glass, fine and smooth. He stayed in listening, catching every word.

"I think he's the best man of the world. Look what he does, at the hospital, at home. He's always present, he's never angry or impatient. He's always kind and warm. Maybe he's so good at everything he almost makes you feel inferior, but you can't. He's too gentle to make you feel uncomfortable" she concluded, embarrassed at her own words.

Edward could see him. Realization was slowly sinking in. She likes him, she admires him, she has a… how did they said these days? A crush? Yes, exactly that.

And he did too.

But, as realization took him, he became a mixture of nervousness, embarrassment, joy and pride, and unfortunately humanity, because, in the ecstasy of the moment he lost his balance and accidentally broke the vase.

Perfect.

Not for the vase, obviously.

Edward and Esme went running in the hallway to find a wide eyed Carlisle, looking guilty at a vase, his expression like the one of a child caught peeing in his pants.

He was mortified.

She was horrified.

Oh well, at least now, one of the two will get up enough courage to make a move.

He looked at the book still in his hands, and then at the vase.

Luckily he wasn't in love. He really didn't understand those fools. They gave their life, their love, their jealousy to another…for what? Being weak?

He was lucky he wasn't in love.

He promised himself he would have never acted like that.

In fact he didn't. Edward was never a fool in love. Oh no, so much more.

* * *

**An: ok here we are. ugh. seventeen is a unlucky number here. thirteen is lucky. in America they have it back ways. but it's because seventeen in latin...oh well, it's not lucky. if you want to know the story Pm me or say in a review.**

**i got 22 reviews last chapter! sooooo happy:D**

**so can i get more ambitious?????? plaese?????????**

**i want 20 reviews for this chap! com' on (don't really know if it's right) guys, you did it last time. you only have to do it again!:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

**review!**

**until next chap.**

**Baci**

**Marta**


	18. Chapter 18

**An: sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorry i haven't update in so long!!!!!!!!!!! i promise it won't happen again. but i was really sick, i couldn't even stand so i hadn' t time to write. and then, other than school being horrible...I DIDN'T RECIEVE 20 REVIEWS! but only 17. and here is an unlucky number.**

**today i'm a little depressed...i even watched Beautiful! you know...brooke, ridge, the forresters (sp???) that soap. so i'm REALLY depressed.**

**it's short, but the romance is finally arriving!**

* * *

Well, to say it in an elegant, sophisticated, English manner….

Shit.

That was the thought that echoed in Carlisle's head at the sight of Esme and Edward. His amused eyes, and her terrified gaze. Terrified of what? Had he interrupted something? A romantic encounter, maybe? No. He distinctly heard Esme talking about him. But, then again, maybe that was their excuse, a way to approach conversation. In the end, one of the most innocent, harmless subject was him.

And now she was staring at him, wide eyed and petrified. He could imagine her humiliation, but could feel his own as well.

"Oh Lord" he said in a marked English accent "What a mess I made! I'm so clumsy" he said nervously, scratching the nape of his neck and smiling sheepishly.

Esme seemed to snap out her state of shock.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "Here, let me help you" she said while kneeling to help him grabbing the pieces of glass, looking straight at the floor.

Edward made his presence known saying "I think I'll be in the garden reading. Good luck" and then he disappeared.

Seconds passed and then they started gathering pieces.

"It was a beautiful vase" she said.

"Yes, it was indeed" he agreed awkwardly, staring at her, forgetting what he was doing.

He never noticed before, but Esme was beautiful. Obviously she was a pretty girl back when he first saw her, but now she was wonderful. Her body, her hair, her features were perfectly made, everything was proportionate. Like a Greek statue. And then, her movements were so perfectly graceful and delicate, he often felt embarrassed by being near her, even in the same room.

He felt like an ogre.

And what had just happened proved he was right. He lived two hundreds years in the most weird places, with the most different kinds of people and he broke a vase- one of his favorites - because he couldn't control himself when he heard her admitting she admired him.

Reflecting on what she said, he realized she hadn't said much. Nothing compromising, nothing indicating what her feeling might be.

While staring at her collecting the pieces of the broken vase, he realized he wished she had said something more.

He desired it.

He would have liked to know what she thought of him, not as a vampire, or man, but simply as Carlisle. But she was always so guarded, and he couldn't guess her thoughts.

He liked Esme, a lot. He felt strangely calm when in her company, even if they didn't say anything to each other. Even being in the same house as her relaxed him. She brought a particular aura to the house. A feminine touch, some would say. But it was more than that.

She brought warmth and happiness, even to Edward, who, even if he was still closed and dark, had a note of energy and curiosity. And that feeling passed to Carlisle too. Now he looked forward to coming home in the evening. He looked forward to seeing her smiling face, her eyes bright with a book in her hands. Looking forward to sit next to her on the sofa, seeing her place her book on the little table in front of them, and start talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

He couldn't quite place that feeling, that sensation of warm joy, nervousness and tension every time he saw her.

"What are you smiling at?" asked Esme, bringing him back to reality. The glass, the broken vase, the house.

"Nothing" he stuttered. He looked down to the floor, where they were kneeling. What could he say? I was smiling because I was thinking of you? Sure.

He just had to find a way to court her in a gentlemanly way…

Wait, stop, stop, stop.

Courting?

He had to admit that, surely, he liked her, a lot, but wasn't courting her a bit too much?

"Please Esme, let me do the hard work" said Edward's velvety voice, smiling jokingly at the woman.

"Thanks Edward" she said smiling, happy to be free from that work.

Or happy to be free of him? Carlisle thought, a little panicked.

"When?" Edward said, exasperated , when Esme went out of sight.

"When, what?" Carlisle asked, a little confused.

"When are you going to make a move?" Edward said, a little angrily, or so it seemed to Carlisle.

"I'm not going to make any move" he said, a little defensive "Why should I ?" he asked, challengingly.

"Because you like her, possibly even love her. And you know her feelings well enough to be confident to at least make a small move!" he exclaimed.

"But what if…" Carlisle started.

"But? If?" Edward was almost shouting now, where was Esme? How could she not hearing such noise? "Life isn't based on buts and ifs Carlisle! You have to work on it if you want it to go where you wish! You like her? Than make a move!" he concluded.

Wow!

Carlisle was really impressed. And, considering he had been around for a while, that said something.

"I don't know where to start" he admitted, sighing sadly, looking his reflection in the glasses.

"I know it's hard. But I see it this way: if you want something you have to desire it, fight for it, and nurture it. Believe me, relationships are complicated on the surface, but once you comprehend it, you realize it's not so hard" the boy said smiling, looking older and wiser than his age. For the first time, Carlisle felt as if it was Edward the father, and he, for once in all his existence, only the son.

"It's like a plant." He said, picking up a glass and looking at it "when they're little, they take lots of time, and need to receive lots of attention, but once they start to grow, straight and strong, they do all the work, and you only have to watch them live, blossoming into their beautiful naturalness." He said.

Wow, again.

Where did Edward know those things? And from whom? He matured a lot since…yesterday.

Carlisle took a deep breath.

Maybe Edward was right. The time had come to make a move. He could do it. He fought the thirst. Lived with the Volturi. He could do this.

"Go now, I'll finish the work" Edward said, bending down to pick up the broken glass.

Carlisle smiled hugely "Thanks Edward"

"No problem" he responded while discreetly hiding his slightly crooked smile.

Carlisle went to find Esme.

He searched everywhere: not in the kitchen, not in her bedroom, not in his or Edward's bedroom, not in his study, not in the library, not in the living room, not in the cupboard. She disappeared.

He started darting toward the forest, thinking that maybe she went hunting, although it was strange she would go alone, when he smelled her.

He followed her sweet and delicate smell until it was mixed with lots of other scents. He took notice of his surroundings.

She was in his garden, on her knees, smelling some roses, her eyes serenely closed.

He silently approached her.

"They're beautiful" he said, aloud but in a calming tone so as not to scare her.

"Yes they are" she said while opening her eyes to look at them, and then she smiled at Carlisle. A wonderfully breathtaking smile.

Then she looked over his shoulders, her eyes brightening.

"Ah!" she took an intake of breath "Look Carlisle!" she took his arm, her small, smooth hand sparkling due the sunlight rays shining on her skin.

She dragged him near bush and indicated a nest where there were two little sparrows, a couple, that was feeding they fledglings.

She smiled even more, her eyes sparkling too, but not because of the sun.

"Aren't they wonderful?" she asked softly, turning her head to look at him. He looked at her, straight in her eyes. The only thing he was aware of were her deep, infinite eyes, and her hand on his arm.

He started feeling lost. A strange sensation, as if he was dizzy, spinning out of control. He moved his foot to prove himself he was still there, in the garden, with her.

He didn't answer her, his mind barely registered her question. Instead all he could say was

"Esme, will you go out with me?"

* * *

**AN: ihih, i like clumsy men. Carlisle is so sweet! well, i think he is. since i'm depressed, what do you think about reviewing?**

**please???????????????????????????????? thank you.**

**and thanks to my Liz too!!!! love you.**

**baci**

**Marta**


	19. Chapter 19

**An: sorry for the wait. thanks for reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Ok, so here are two things you may need for understand Esme's clothes: **

**Cloche (woman's hat: a woman's or girl's close fitting hat with a very narrow brim)**

**Paillette ( sequin on garment: a sequin or spangle sewn onto a piece of clothing)**

**So, happy reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

* * *

"Will you go out with me?" he asked her, looking straight in her eyes.

She didn't know what to say. She looked at his image, the sun in the background, obscuring his features.

"What?" was the only thing she could say back.

He cleared his throat "I mean, would you like to accompany me at the theatre?" he repeated more formally.

She smiled brightly "Sure, I would love to. What are we going to see?" she asked eagerly.

" The Aida" he said, calm as always.

"I've never seen it, I wanted but Char-" she was almost saying it, but she stopped herself. It was ironic that, while some pleasant and happy memories faded, her own parents were blurred in her memory, her previous husband was still clear in her mind.

She was always very careful not reveal anything about her human life, or at least nothing of much. Carlisle knew her as a sixteen years old girl, innocent and happy and she wanted this to be his picture of her life, when she was still happy and free, not a caged animal.

He smiled as if nothing happened. Well, nothing did happen, but it was almost happened. He seemed to know something was wrong tough, as there was worry in his eyes.

"So it's decided. The show is the 31st of December. Will this be a problem for you? Do you have plans already?" he asked her, more for courtesy than not. He knew perfectly she didn't have plans at all, but it was polite ask anyway.

"No, it's fine" she answered, lowering her eyes to the ground as if hiding a blush it'll never came.

"Alright, goodbye Esme. See you later" he said smiling, while backing off to the woods.

She stayed in the garden for a few more minutes, keeping herself busy with…well, actually, smelling the flowers.

While she caressed a jasmine in her hand she abandoned herself.

An entire evening with Carlisle. Just the two of them. He and her. She and him. Esme and Carlisle. Carlisle and Esme. It was wonderful. Someone heard her prayers in the heavens. Finally she had her chance.

Oh dear God! She had her chance! Maybe the only one for who knows how much time she would have! She couldn't waste it.

She ran to the house.

She was in big trouble.

She didn't knew what to wear!!!

She climbed, literally, up the stairs, and launch herself in her bedroom, wandering in her wardrobe.

Her blue day dress. Her red long dress. Her green sundress. Some outfits on the shades of red, pink, white and yellow.

She had everything but the dress for the theatre.

How could she go without the proper dress? Carlisle would be ashamed to be seen with her, although he would never show it. No, Carlisle was just too gentlemanly for do such unkind things. But he would feel embarrassed anyway. Maybe even repulsed. Oh God, what an horrible thought.

He would feel embarrassed and disgusted and would never look at her in the same way. And he would find someone else.

Hold on.

Why did he wanted to go to the theatre? Maybe Esme was just an excuse, his alibi. Maybe there was someone at the opera he wanted to see and Esme was needed only as an chaperon.

It would make sense. Why would a person as beautiful, intelligent, acculturated and kind as Carlisle go with her at the opera? The had to be another reason.

A tiny spark of hope came her.

Maybe he was interested in someone else, but it could be her. Maybe he really enjoyed her company as she did with him.

She shook her head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. It was not important at the moment. Her priority was find a good dress. No, not good. Amazing. Breathtaking. There was only one problem. She didn't know when or where buy it. Luckily she had the money, Carlisle made it available to her.

So she did the only thing possible.

She ran downstairs, to the library, where she was sure she could have find him.

"I know. And I'm not coming" he said, from his position on the chair, his eyes not leaving the book.

She pouted, clasping her hands as if in pray "Please Edward! I really need your help! You're so sophisticated, so charming, so elegant, so-" she was interrupted .

"Alright. I've grasped the concept" he said, holding up a hand. Then, after a long, dramatic sigh " I'll help you. No need to be such a flatterer " he said, a crooked grin on his face.

"Alright, then. Let's go!" Esme shouted, taking his hand and dragging him to the car. She let him drive. He was an excellent driver.

They made in town in twenty minutes. Then, they started visiting all shops.

Boutiques, big centers.

All types of dresses. Ceremony, cocktail, party, ball, gala. But they didn't find The dress.

But then, after four hours of searching, when they were passing in front of a cafe, she saw it.

It was a lovely black dress made in tulle and embroidered with seed pearls. It was a little transparent, but it didn't matter.

She took Edward's hand and entered the shop. A tall, brunette woman greeted them with a big smile.

"Good morning, madam. How can I help you?" she asked politely.

Esme smiled too "I saw this lovely dress in the window and I'd like to try it, if possible" she asked as kindly as possible.

"Sure madam" was her response.

Esme noticed as she walked away how sweet her scent was. So mouthwatering. Her first reflex was following her and leaping at her, then tasting the warm fluid that pulsed under that delicate skin. But she felt a nudge on her arm as she made it to turn. She looked up to see the stern eyes of the boy she was with. Even if those were Edward's eyes that stared at her, she didn't see them. No, those eyes were Carlisle's. What would he think if he saw her now?

He would be repulsed, horrified.

She shield away from Edward and the woman, breathing as little as possible.

"Here madam. The dressing rooms are over there" the woman said, indicating the corner of the shop.

Esme smiled and nodded, a acceptable way to answer without speaking.

She cleared her head from the smell and unpleasant thoughts, and forced herself to concentrate on the dress.

She tried it on. It was perfect. The black and the sparkle of the pearls made her pale skin stand out even more, thanks to her chestnut hair too.

She then asked for a coat and a hat.

She bought, at the end of the day, a black silk coat and a black tulle cloche embroidered with seed pearls and paillettes that matched her dress perfectly.

On the way home she talked to Edward.

"So, what do you think about my purchases?" she asked him, eyeing happily her clothes.

"I think they very nice" he said, looking straight at the road.

She started to panic.

People say nice when they mean horrible.

Her clothes weren't proper.

Oh God! Obviously! The dress was too bold! Carlisle would think of her as a… oh God! And the coat was of terrible taste! Not counting she used his money for something so expensive! He will be so mad at her! And her ridiculous cloche? Really embarrassing!

"Esme! Are you listening to me?" Edward shouted at her looking concerned and slightly irritated.

"No, sorry. What were you saying?" she asked, trying to sound collected.

He sighed, returning to watch the road, the house getting in sight.

"I said, I'm sorry for hurting you. Usually people think nice means fine, or lovely, not horrible and of bad taste!" he said, chuckling and turning briefly to look meekly at her.

"Oh, sure. I'm sorry. I think I overreacted." She said, apologizing.

"Overreacted? I would say something else…but I guess that should do it." He smiled. "Do not worry. You'll be lovely. I cannot see the future, but I can see beauty. And you have it" he said, solemnly.

They parked in front of the house. He turned off the engine and moved as if to get out.

"I'm have no beauty" she whispered sadly, looking at the forest.

He sat down again, his body facing her, looking at her amused and mischievously "Oh, I wasn't talking only about exterior beauty" he said.

Then he smiled and get out.

She was awestruck, then recovered her senses and walked in the house.

In a few minutes Carlisle would be home, and she had to arrange her clothes, but mostly invent a story about what she did that afternoon.

"Hello, I'm home" she heard his deep voice coming from the hall.

Here we go.

* * *

**An: So, hope you like it. Thanks to my beta Liz!!!!!**

**i watched Enchanted! So cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Anw I like the actor they choose for Edward.**

**Pictures of the clothes on my profile along with the characters'.**

**Baci**

**Marta**


	20. Chapter 20

**An: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i had wb and i wanted this chapter to be good. it's very important... finally we're getting somewhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**I'm not entirely satisfated with this chap, but i wanted to give you something so here it is. Let me know if it sucks in the reviews (Thanks to all my reviewers!)**

**Good reading!**

* * *

"Oh, I'm sorry if you were bored by yourself this afternoon. I thought I would be home, but Dr. Richards called in sick and I had to replace him" Carlisle said, sorrow dripping in his voice.

He really had desired to spend as much time as possible with Esme, getting to know her better, maybe even hear her story, her human story. But destiny seemed against him these days, as he was unable to do so.

He had just came home, when he saw Esme walking down the stairs, as beautiful as ever, smiling happily at him. She came to him and kissed him on the cheek, eagerly and innocently, not knowing that such innocence only made her more tempting to him. He smelled her fragrance in that brief moment. She then went outside. There were human's scents, flower's scents and fresh air's scents, but, among all, one scent was the strongest: Edward's.

It was all clear, he understood. Esme accepted to go out with him probably out of pity or courtesy. Sensing this, he felt neglected because she spent most of her time with Edward. Maybe she just wanted to be Carlisle's friend to gain points with Edward. It seemed plausible enough. She wouldn't be interested in him, he was old, ancient. Edward, on the contrary, was young, lively and of her same generation.

She and he were just from two different words.

He sighed.

She smiled "What did you do interesting today at work?" she asked as always, always seeming so sincerely interested in what he had to say, even if it was just a boy with a scraped knee.

Days passed quietly, in the same way as always, the routine didn't disturb him. Edward always said it: Carlisle was like an old man, with a pipe and a stick.

Maybe he was, he just couldn't see it, couldn't accept it.

The afternoon of the fateful day he looked his reflection in the mirror.

Left side: good.

Right side: good.

He could be old on the inside, but outside he was really young, he could pass for a teenager. He tried to do funny faces: breathing and puffing out his cheeks, or wrinkling his nose and shifting his eyes or…

"What are you doing for God's Sake?" exclaimed Edward, arms crossed, leaning against the doorway, a perfect eyebrow raised.

Carlisle turned around. God, that was embarrassing. Luckily it wasn't Esme.

"That could have been awkward" the boy commented.

"So" he continued, "Doctor, do you know what are you wearing this evening?" he said, directing over the wardrobe.

"A tuxedo, obviously" responded Carlisle.

"Obviously" said Edward opening the cupboard "What Tuxedo, if I may ask?" he said, grinning.

Carlisle rushed at his side, remembering he didn't have a tuxedo. He never really needed one.

Oh God! He didn't have anything to wear! He couldn't go, so he'll have to cancel the date and Esme would be so disappointed and he'll lost his one and only chance.

He was on the verge of hyperventilation.

"Carlisle, calm down. There's no need to worry. Luckily I guessed you wouldn't have anything, so I decided to lend you one of my tuxedos" Edward had a lot of suits, thanks to his ancestry.

"Thanks Edward" Carlisle sighed.

"Admit it, I'm a lifesaver" he chuckled.

"You're a life saver".

And so the afternoon passed quickly and soon was the moment to go to the theatre.

He was at the bottom of the staircase at eight o' clock, pacing nervously to and fro and reciting to himself what he should say.

They never really talked alone for an extended amount of time, and usually the subjects were his job, books or Edward. Well Edward wasn't really a subject of them. Fortunately they had to watch a performance so they had to be in silence for most of the time, concentrated on something else, and then they could talk of it. Safe and easy.

Yeah, but what about during the trip to the theatre and back? They couldn't stay in silence. This was his chance. The chance.

"Hi Esme, you are beautiful tonight" No, too sloppy.

'Hi Esme, how are you?' How could she be? Fine, obviously.

'Hi Esme , that dress is really nice" No, too cliché, and then she could think he meant : you're lovely this evening, but not always.

Women were so complicated.

He sighed, passed and hand through his golden hair and controlled to have everything in place. Esme should there in matter of moments. What to say? What to say?

Someone gripped him from his shoulders "Relax. Everything is going to be alright. Be calm" Edward said, staring into his eyes.

"Yes" Carlisle said, nodding, convincing himself. Not successfully.

"No, no. I can't do it. I have no experience at all. And she… No, no, no, no" he said, shaking furiously his head.

"Everything will be fine" Edward prompted "Now, I have to go the cook is calling, you know how Betsy is" and he walked to the kitchen.

Carlisle nodded condescend "Yes, Betsy can be…" he furrowed his eyebrows, and turned his head to where Edward was second before and yelled "Hey, we don't have a cook!"

"Sure we don't. Did you doubt it?" an angelic voice asked. Carlisle turned to see Esme dressed in an elegant black dress, with matching accessories. She looked even more stunning, the black of the items contrasting with the whiteness of her skin. She was smiling so happily, her eyes serene.

He stood there, half turned, wide eyes, open mouthed, looking shamelessly at her.

"Uhm" he mumbled "Hello, Esme" he finally managed to say.

"Hello Carlisle" he noticed the way she pronounced his name was absolutely charming. He was dazed.

"You look very elegant this evening" she added, now at the foot of the stairs, few centimeters from him, in an higher level than him. He felt so intimidated.

He shook his head, trying to connect his mind "Thank you. You are breathtaking" he said.

She smiled.

He realized she was waiting.

Waiting for…what?

And then he remembered he was the man, he had to guide the lady so he offered her his arm. She took it, posing her slim and soft hand gently on the expensive fabric.

They walked to the car.

The night began.

"I heard the Aida is really amazing" she tried to small talking.

"Yes, it is" he said, stiff.

She turned toward him, leaning in the seat "Have you already seen it?"

"Yes" he stated.

"Then why did you invite me to see it? You could have picked up something else, or nothing…" she mumbled the last part.

Because it was the first that came to my mind, he thought.

"Because I wanted to see it with you" he said, not thinking about it.

She smiled sweetly.

* * *

"That was amazing!" she almost yelled when they made it out of the theatre.

He laughed "I'm glad you like it" she looked beautiful in the evening light, or rather darkness. He wore a black coat to match her outfit, but had a gala white scarf, Edward's gift.

She took his hand, still smiling, still with her eyes lost somewhere inaccessible for him. He hoped someday he could be part of that world.

"So where to now, Doctor?" she asked playfully.

He pretended to be deep in thought "Mmm, let's see…well obviously" he smile victoriously "Dinner"

She arched her eyebrows, perplexed "Dinner?" she repeated.

"Dinner" he confirmed.

They went to a little restaurant near the theatre and get a table near the windows. The room was illuminated only by the candle that were on each table.

"I would like to go to Italy, unfortunately I never had the possibility" Esme said, sighing, looking straight at Carlisle. They were in that restaurant for almost two hours and they talked non stop about the opera.

"It's not so special" he said, trying to make her feel better. Italy was beautiful, it simply depended on where you went. Or maybe it was just because in London and in his vampire life he couldn't see the sun a lot, while in Italy there was so much sun…

She widened her eyes "Really? Did you see it?" she asked, curiosity dripping from every word.

"Yes, I had lived there for some time" he responded, hoping she won't ask with who he spent the time.

"Where?" she asked promptly.

He sighed, knowing the answer will make start a long series of questions, as always that little name does "Tuscany".

And then it happened. Questions, on question, on question.

How was Tuscany? Beautiful. How was the weather? Wonderful. Were there a lot of historical monuments? More than you can imagine. And what about museums? On every corner. Did people offer you things like in books? Sometimes. But those were other times, he thought.

"Oh, it would be so beautiful to go visiting Italy. It's not fair the places I want to see are all in the south!" Esme whined childishly after the river of questions she asked Carlisle.

"Maybe you will see it, sometime" Carlisle said, to brightened her up. That was meant to be an happy New Year Eve. Esme wouldn't have to be bothered with unhappy thoughts.

He took her hand, it fitted perfectly. He felt a warmth spreading from his hand, to up his arm, reaching his death heart.

"C'mon Esme, don't be sad" he then looked at his silver watch on his wrist. It signed eleven thirty.

"It's eleven thirty. What to you want to do? In half an hour it will be new year" he said, smiling.

She smiled too, reaction or happiness he couldn't tell "Let's go home"

He was appalled. Home? "Home?"

She nodded "Home".

"So, what are your resolutions for the New Year?" she asked, when they were in the car, already speeding to home.

"Mhmmm, let me see" he took time. He really had no idea, he never though about these ?'Resolutions. "Well I'd like to continue doing my job, I'd like my family to be healthy …and…" to kiss you, he thought, but didn't say it out loud "And that's it" he concluded. "What about you Esme?" he asked.

"I'd like for our family to be happy, for Edward to find someone, to be better at self control, to finally find something to do and …well, nothing else" she seemed as if hiding something tough, but Carlisle didn't pry further.

"Wow, it's an impressive list" he commented, raising his forehead. Now they were parking in the garage.

"Yes, and yours is horrendously short" she said, climbing out the car. "Carlisle, you need something more in your life. Let's see" she said, entering the living room after they climbed the stairs that connected the garage to the house, and sticking out all the fingers of the hand she had ungloved.

"Work: checked. Family: checked. What has been left out?" she asked rhetorically.

She grinned mischievously and turned to him "Uhm, love" she said dramatically.

He looked at her nervously "Love?"

"Yes, love, don't you want it? Everybody needs love Carlisle, or you think to be different from the others?" she inquired.

"I most certainly don't think so" he said, with a little smile, to cover his embarrassment.

Esme moved toward the staircase, taking one step. "It's time to go to bed Carlisle" she said, looking meekly at him.

He moved toward her, at the base of the stair.

"Well then, good night Esme. Happy New Year" he sighed, looking in her ochre eyes.

"Good night Carlisle Happy New Year" she said, not moving from her place.

The decision was sudden, he didn't premeditate it. He swore.

But, as he heard many times, Semel in anno licet insanire. Once a year is permissible to go crazy.

This would be his time. Only this time.

He leaned and his lips touched hers, lingering for some seconds, before pulling away. He was shocked at himself and afraid she might reject him. He would have waste his chance.

Their faces stayed near, centimeters separating them.

"Love: checked" Esme sighed, and, when she started climbing up the stairs, the fireworks exploded outside.

He grinned, his hands in his pockets "Happy New Year" he whispered.

* * *

**An: awwwwwwwwwwww so sweet, my Carlisle is just so sweet...at least i think he is.**

**Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and sorry for the wait, but the chapter is longer than the others so I hope it makes up for the wait...**

**Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**baci**

**Marta**


	21. Chapter 21

**An: ok i'm unforgivable. I know. Please don't be too mad at me. School was hell and I've been sick, i fainted at school!**

**I know it's short, but it's something. WE're approaching the end!**

**Thanks to Liz, for editing my story.**

**There's a poll on my profile, feel free to vote: What's your favourite alternative Twilight couple?**

**Good reading**

**baci**

**Marta**

* * *

And so they finally were a couple. Carlisle and Esme. Esme and Carlisle. They were inseparable, constantly around each other, constantly craving each other's company.

The first day of the new year they both had, for the whole day, the widest grins ever seen. It was incredible. Even Edward, the algid, cold, Edward, wondered if it was painful after some time. And vampires couldn't suffer pain. So that was something.

But apparently, they're weren't suffering, not from pain, at least.

They were affected, though, by a grave form of ailment. A type that went around for millennia, but no one succeeded in finding a cure. The name is love.

Love, that little, subtle, indescribable fever that capture us and bends us to its will.

A love, just a silly, little thing. Its power amazed people since the beginning of time. They tried to resist it, to combat it, to make it like they wanted to, but to no avail. The truth was, and still is, love rules.

And for Carlisle and Esme it was no different. Being a vampire, a different creature, a potent being didn't excluded them from being affected by this…magic. And Edward really couldn't say if it was a good or bad.

This is the way they spent their first month of the New Year, of their new lives together. Yes, new because, it's common knowledge that being in love is like being reborn.

And so it seemed to be this way for the couple.

Carlisle spent less time at work. He anxiously waiting for his shift to end, to return home to Esme, who, on the other hand, bounced constantly around. Always thinking about Carlisle, about what he loved, what he would have liked, what he was doing, how was he doing it, who was he doing it with. Then her thought would shift. What they could do together, where, when, the places to see, the forest to explore, the shows to watch, the books to read, and that thing called Cinema to discuss.

And then, in front of her wardrobe: what dress would Carlisle have preferred?

When in front of the kitchen table her thoughts drifted to what could have been Carlisle's favorite food, when he was human?

While admiring her plants it was what flower Carlisle loved the most?

In front of the library she wondered could Carlisle have read all those book? And which was his favorite?

And while watching at the birds: what ty-

"Please stop!" Edward exclaimed exasperatedly.

She turned her head and looked confusedly at him, no understanding his ire "What?" she asked, her eyes wide.

He threw his pale and long hands up in the air "This!" he yelled, and she winced slightly "Please, it's just sickening! I have to endure the thoughts of you both, and let me tell you, it's not pleasant! Esme, this, Esme that. What would Carlisle do? What would Carlisle think!" he said, imitating their voices so perfectly, for a moment she thought Carlisle was there. He felt as if his head was spinning if possible.

She tried to apologize to the very stressed seventeen boy who stood in front of her "I'm sorry Edward, really, I didn't mean-"

He interrupted her "You didn't mean to but you did it. Every hour of every day! And when we both are together again is even worse! It's just so… cheesy and nauseating! Please, could you try, at least try, for my sake, to control yourself!" he implored.

Esme nodded in understanding. Edward's eyes widened in horror, but she talked before he could stop her "I understand Edward. You're envious" he tried to say something, but luck wasn't with him "I can only imagine how lonely and miserable you must feel! I'm so sorry, I've been so insensible toward you, how could I not have thought about it? I 'll…"

He shushed her, putting a hand on her mouth "Esme, please. You're wrong, completely. I'm fine by myself, I don't need nobody else and I'm really, truly happy for you. It's just…disturbing at times." He explained.

She nodded half convinced half not "Alright, if that's the truth…"

"It is" he confirmed to her.

She smiled, but deep inside her mind she was worried. She never thought about Edward's love life, but in that moment she began to. Edward was much older than her in vampire years and yet he never had a mate, a companion, excluding Carlisle. How could he, young and handsome, not had received the attentions of the female population? Or how could he have not been interested in any woman, at all? Oh no, Esme thought horrified, he wasn't…that, was it? Oh dear Lord! No, Edward couldn't be... no, not her Edward, he was just waiting for his soul mate…right?

Luckily for her, and for poor Edward too, her thoughts of worry were cut short at the arrival of Carlisle.

He came out of his black car smiling widely, the sun glistening on his blonde hair, his skin sparkling. He truly looked like a god, like he just stepped out of the most perfect of portraits created by one of the great masters. A triumphant Botticelli, a glorious Michelangelo, a tormented Caravaggio, a radiant Raffaello. He could have been a God or an angel.

And there he was, running to her, opening his strong arms while laughing musically, his eyes fixed on her form, which was also bouncing happily toward him, giggling like a school girl. She launched herself into his arms, that closed protectively around her. He began to spin her around, higher and higher, never wanting to let her go.

"So, how have you been today, my dear?" he asked her, still slightly laughing, once he placed her again on the ground.

She smiled playfully "Oh, very interesting I must say, in fact I was just occupied with a very important thing, but then you came…" she finished with a sad, regretful voice, her eyes downcast.

He looked back at the house, deciding to tease her a bit. "Really? I'm sorry" he then released his hold on her "In that case, I think I'll just go-"

"No!" she shouted, grabbing his wrist, he smiled, his back half turned to her "I think I can wait to finish that…thing" she smiled.

He arched his golden eyebrows "Are you sure? If it was so important…" he trailed off.

She smiled even more widely "You're infinitely more important" he smiled too.

"Oh thank you milady" he said chivalrously as he made a sweeping bow. She giggled, she seemed to be doing that a lot those days.

Suddenly they heard a strange sounds, almost as if someone was trying to...vomit.

"Do you hear that?" he asked, scanning the area just in front of their house.

Esme nodded, a little worried "Yes. What is it?" she asked truly curious. Their house was surrounded by the thick forest, so, unless it was some poor dying animal with asthma…

They walked by the walls of the house, up to the path from where the sound came, to the path that lead to the warehouse. Behind the little building there was…

"Edward?" they asked at the same time, looking shocked at the young boy bent in two on the grass, in a vain and painfully tentative dry heave.

He raised his head, his back still turned and looked at them, then a disgusted look came across his face at their sight and he began to make noises again.

"What do you think we should do?" whispered Esme to Carlisle "Do you think it's possible for vampires to be…ill?" she asked, unsure. It would be strange, but it was no like someone studied vampires before so…hell, vampires did exist!

"I don't know. I think it's better to leave him alone." he then put an hand to the small of her back and guided toward the porch. He thought he heard Edward mumble something like "All your fault", but he wasn't sure.

"Oh God, poor little Edward, my son" Esme murmured, once they were comfortably sitting on the sofa, cuddling together, her head resting on his broad, cold, perfect chest.

His head perked up "Your son?" he asked, and even if she could see his face, she knew he must had worn a confused look.

She sighed "Yes, I know it's childish, but I have always seen Edward like a son. Even if he is, technically older than me, and surely more mature than me, he is my son" she lifted her head to look up at the blond vampire "You know, it's strange to explain, you'll probably laugh at me, but I just feel like he's always right there, near my heart".

He shook his head "I completely understand what you mean, I feel the same too. He's my son, my best friend. Edward was my very first companion" he spoke solemnly.

"Poor honey" she said "I can't imagine how lonely you must have felt back then. All alone, with nobody like you to understand and divided you torments, it must have been terrible" she leaned up to kiss him, and he returned it.

"Yes, it wasn't exactly pleasant. But I think things turned out fairly well, in the end," he said, smiling, looking lovely at her.

She giggled "Yes, I think so".

After a while he suddenly asked her "But if Edward is near your heart" he started "Where am I ?"

She grinned and looked softly at him "You are my heart".


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: ok, so so so so sorry.**

**really you can beat me up. punch me. slap me.**

**i haven't updated in forever, but i truly didn't have time. but i promise these 2 weeks you'll be getting lots of chapters. at least two.**

**this chapter is important! the one many of you were waiting for...**

**happy reading!**

* * *

The door jingled as he closed it to walk down the main street of the little but picturesque town

The door jingled as he closed it to walk down the main street of the little but picturesque town.

Today was a big day, a very important one: Valentine's day.

Carlisle never paid much attention to dates, other than for work. Days were all the same to a vampire and there was no point to celebrate such a ridiculous festivity.

He never quite grasped the concept of it all. Valentine's day, in honor of the saint, was supposed to be the Day of the lovers. Not specifically for couples, but for lovers, even the unrequited ones.

Luckily for him Carlisle wasn't unrequited. And the dozen red rose bouquet in his hand was the proof.

He was walking down the street happily, a foolish smile upon his face.

He watched the gray sky: perfect.

He watched the full street: perfect.

He watched his red roses: perfect.

He watched the pigeon's excrement on his car: perfect.

He thought it and he wasn't being sarcastic, he really meant it. That day nothing, put a mark on nothing, could have ruined his perfect mood.

He opened the car door and put carefully the bouquet in the backseat and drove off toward home.

He was just reaching the end that would lead him to his love, when he saw it.

He faintly heard the noise his wheels did when he abruptly stopped the car and climbed down.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Step. Step. Step. Step.

Stop.

Her steps finally came to a stop when she saw what was waiting for her in the now semi obscure living room.

The sofas and the coffee table were gone, replaced by a oval, crystal table covered with an embroiled white tablecloth, on the top of which rested two lighted candles and, in front of the space assigned for the occasion.

Her gaze wandered throughout the whole room, searching for the person who prepared all that splendour.

And there he was, standing beside the fireplace, smiling gently at her, dressed in a pair of black suite trousers and a white shirt that made him look ethereal.

"Hello Esme" he said quietly to her.

She looked confused "Hi, Carlisle what is-"

He hushed her "Shh Esme, don't say anything yet. Please take a seat" he said swiftly approaching her, gently reaching for her arm and guiding her to the seat furthest from the source of warmth the fire provided.

She took her seat, in silence, still throwing him curious and confused glances.

In front of her there was a crystal and gold glass that resembled a goblet. It seemed ancient and extremely valuable. She took it carefully in both her hands and studied it in awe.

Carlisle, in the meantime, had taken his seat across her at the other part of the small table and was watching her with mirth in his eyes.

"Would you like something to drink, my dear?" he asked her politely.

She nodded, still not trusting herself to speak yet.

His hand shot to a glass bottle beside them, wrapped up in a blanket.

Esme's brow furrowed. Wasn't it common practice to keep drinks in the cold, rather than hot?

He took the bottle out of its cover, revealing a dark liquid on the inside.

Wine? Esme tried to guess, thinking to herself.

He smiled at her and poured the drink in her glass, making its inhebriant smell reach Esme's reactive nostrils.

Blood.

This was the content of the bottle and now it was being poured in the goblet, tainting it a deep red.

She looked up at Carlisle, who just nodded, a silent invite for her to drink the blood.

It was exquisite, sweet and fierce in the taste, delicate and fruity in the smell, and enticing in the sight. The best thing Esme ever had the pleasure to taste.

"So?" he prompted.

"So it's absolutely wonderful, the most divine thing I've ever drank. What is it?" she asked.

He chuckled "That, my darling, is a secret".

It was the first time she heard him speak in a different accent. And it rose her curiosity.

"Carlisle, where are you from?" she asked.

"Well, what period are you talking about Esme? I've been to lots of places" he said lightly.

She smiled at his humor "I mean, when you were human", she specified.

His face tightened slightly "I was born and lived in London" he answered, before smiling again "But let's not talk about it. Not tonight"

Esme shook her head "No. let's talk about it" she insisted.

He sighed "Why this evening?" he pleaded.

She shrugged "Why not this evening?".

His shoulders slump. She had won.

"Alright, start with the questions".

She knew the principal parts about Carlisle's life, so, that night, she spent hours asking about the most little but significant details of his life before her, and the current one.

He laughed "You know everything about the life I have led now Esme. What else would you possibly want to know?" he asked, sincerely intrigued.

"Everything".

It was past midnight when he finished telling her every little detail she craved to know.

It was time for the flowers.

"I know I'm technically one day late now, but that's your fault. You side-tracked me" he said jokingly, while handing her the roses.

She was disoriented "Roses?"

He nodded "You see, today is the 14th of February" he explained, as if it was an obvious deduction.

"So?"

"So, Esme, today is Valentine's Day" he announced. Truth was, even he didn't know what that meant precisely.

Her mouth shaped an "o".

They both didn't understand what this Valentine's Day exactly meant, or why people celebrated it, but they both respected the ritual: he bought her flowers, she accepted them.

The rest of the night was spent talking and drinking happily.

Esme and Carlisle, completely oblivious to Edward's absence, enjoyed each other presence. She told him that, before coming home, she walked around in the neighbourhood, seeing there were lots of beautiful, but abandoned and old houses which, if only restored, could be glorious.

Hours passed and the stars went to sleep, ceding the place in the sky to its king, the Sun.

The rays of sunshine crept through the window, making the room glow softly, in a magical and romantic way, similar to the one in a Jane Austen novel, or in Emily Bronte's masterpiece Wuthering Heights.

Carlisle, upon seeing the sun, like a true vampire, backed from its light, suddenly nervous, suddenly fidgeting with the hem of his wrists.

"Esme…"

She smiled, happily smelling for the hundredth time her roses "Yes, Carlisle?"

He stood up, the light form the window touching half of his perfect body, depriving her eyes from the other half.

"Esme, I know we haven't know each other for long. But, I think… I mean, we have gotten to know each other a lot in these past months," we kissed and exchange affections, he wanted to add " and I really appreciated the person you are…I , yes , I app- I love you." He admitted. She stood still, her flowers at her nose, not breathing their smell, cause she was holding her unnecessary breath. He continued speaking " I loved you for years, I think, but I didn't know it…but now I do, and I was wondering…hoping…what I'm trying to say is…asking…humbly " he murmured something else, but even Esme hearing failed to capture those deliria at the moment. He was almost shaking in nervousness. He took a deep breath. "Esme, will you marry me?" he said, while bending on one knee and exposing a wonderful diamond ring.

He was scared, like the young would say nowadays, shitless.

What if she loved someone else? What about her past? Maybe she was married. Oh god, what if she was married? Would that be legal? Would…

It seemed that Esme had some connection to Carlisle, in a telepathic way, because she too thought about her husband, but not like he would have tought.

"Esme…I'm sor-" he started, full of … emotions he could describe.

"No".

* * *

**An: ihih cliffy!! i know , i'm evil**

**you have to thank, for this chapter, Jumpstarter and my beta Liz. if it wasn't for them, you probably wouldn't have this chapter.;P**

**please review, last chapter i got so few reviews, and it didn't encouraged me to write.**

**Baci**

**Marta**


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THE WAIT!! i had been busy, but it's a long chapter.**

**I noticed Carlisle don't utter a world...in this chapter.**

**Next week i'll be super uber busy, so don't expect anything. i had this half done for days...**

**There are two more chapters, or maybe just one.**

**Thanks to Liz...Love you**

**There's a new poll on my profile. Go vote!!**

**This chapter go to MasonSwan, becaus ehse just Pmed me and begged me to update,so... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

**Baci**

**Marta**

* * *

His eyes widened

His eyes widened.

So, maybe he was arrogant, maybe he didn't hope for a straight "Yes", but he sure didn't expected a "No".

He opened his mouth to speak. But then closed it.

They both stared, him on one knee and a beautiful diamond shaped ring in a hand, she standing in the middle of the living room, in front of the sofa, near the table where they both spent a wonderful evening.

It wasn't fair. He had prepared everything with the most care and thought, only for her. Because of her. He decided to put himself in a very vulnerable position, because he thought she was worth it, because he thought they had something together. Something unique and special. Something wonderful enough to make him consider to spend eternity with this woman.

Well, apparently, he was wrong.

He sighed "Oh" was all he could say. It was like he had a knife stabbed in his heart, and someone was twisting in slowly, painfully, agonizingly slow.

But he had to accept it. People often misjudge. Often misunderstand things.

That was his first time. What a time. Hell.

He started to get up from his pathetic position , closed the little insignificant box, and started to walk toward the door, too embarrassed and broken to stay in front of her. Or in the same room as her. Or in the same house.

As he was walking away from her, brushing her arm, an action that sent shivers of pain in his body, when she grasped it firmly.

"Carlisle, wait please. I have to te-" she started to say in a pained voice.

She pitied him. Wonderful. He stood still, his lips in a slight pout, his gaze pointed ahead. He couldn't bring himself to look at her, he didn't have the strength to. "It's alright Esme" he managed to whisper.

Maybe his words were reassuring. Maybe the pain that dripped of them was not apparent, but her grip loosened for a moment. And he took advantage of it.

He started run. He ran out of the house, passing a bewildered Edward, not even hearing the woman he loved and his beloved son calling him.

He kept running for what felt like hours until he came to the small, flowerless clearing where he comforted Esme during her early days. The moment she opened up to him and him to her, for the first time in almost two centuries. He's never been so close to someone.

He leaned back on a tree. The same one where there was Esme, that day, sobbing desperately.

He stood there, looking at the little meadow changing color and light as every move of the clouds, as every ray of the sun brightened the place. The place that slowly was starting to suffocate him.

And then a rustle.

A rustle of leaves. Probably an animal.

He closed his eyes and sniffed the air, trying to guess which animal, a futile attempt to distract himself from his pain.

But, sadly, he recognized the scent. The sweet, luscious, sensuous, appetizing, comforting scent of Esme. Her essence. she was there, just a few meters from him, emerging from the trees in all her glory. A glory that wasn't meant for him. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Carlisle" her sweet voice came to him.

It was ironic that we notice the most wonderful things about a person when that person doesn't belong to us anymore. Maybe she never did.

He stood still, not acknowledging her presence.

She then sighed and came to sit beside him, they're bodies close but not touching, a distance between them that made Carlisle's heart wrench.

"Carlisle" she said softly after what seemed an eternity of silence.

He didn't turn his head but kept staring ahead. He wanted to cry. He observed humans and saw their reaction at the presence of pain. And crying always seemed so sweet. A sweet release to the most agonizing pains. It was as if with the tears the pain could come out of the body. Like an exorcism.

But his pain was doomed to stay inside. Forever.

"Carlisle, please" she begged him, but he was a man, a two hundred year old man, and he couldn't bring himself to turn.

She stayed silent for some minutes and then finally spoke again "Alright then, you don't want to look at me? It's your right. But you have to listen to me Carlisle" she said sternly "Stop being a child, for God's Sake" she exclaimed.

His eyes widened. Stop being a child? Stop being a child?? She refuse him, reject him, him and his marriage proposal, and he's being a child?

"I didn't say no to you" she started.

If not me, what else? He asked himself, sarcastically.

" I said no to marriage" she said. Pointlessly, he might add, because her words made no sense whatsoever.

He finally talked, unable to contain his anger and hurt "What the hell does mean that?" he asked coldly.

She sighed "I haven't ever told you about my past Carlisle, and there's a reason" he was now facing her, but this time it was her the one who looked to the ground "My past wasn't very bright. Or happy. My past is the reason why I threw myself off that cliff" she explained.

His eyebrows knotted in confusion "You threw yourself? You said you fell off-"

She interrupted him hastily "I never said I fell. You just presumed I fell. I threw myself because…" she sighed, leaving the sentence incomplete. "Maybe it would be better if I explain my whole story first. I realize only now, I've never told you" she said.

He waited patiently for her to start her story. What could have been possibly be so bad to make her decide to die? She threw herself off a cliff. It was not a cut of the veins, nor a death by drugs, nor by a killer. She threw herself, as if she wanted to leave everything behind her, an agonizing gesture that held so much desperation.

"Well you met me when I was sixteen. A stupid teenage with her illusions about love and life. I was naive, a horse with the blinders. I didn't know how cruel life could be. I believed, I hoped, everybody, at some point in their life, could meet their other half, and live a life full of love and happiness, although I was very aware of the difficulties life put on your path.

But I still hoped. Vainly. Because, at the engagement party of …I don't remember exactly who, I found out I had to be engaged also. He was a young, charming and quite rich boy than owned a property that produced a lot. And with production came money, and my family needed money. At first I tried to fight that choice, a choice that wasn't mine. But then I convinced myself it would be a good choice. I would live a pretty and comfortable life, with a man who seemed to be attracted to me and to who I cared for. A little." She said, pausing after giving away the little details of her past life.

She sighed and resume her tail "And then, after the marriage, I discovered who Charles really was. A monster. The young careful, polite and charming man was only a mask of what her really was: a violent man, greedy and insatiable. His desire was money, he wanted a lot. His air were the parties, the perfect place where to flaunt me, his wife, his prize. He was thoughtful and caring when we were in company, but behind locked doors he was violent. I can't remember the amount of nights I spent vomiting blood…" she trailed off, looking vaguely in the dark forest.

Then, the corners of her lips pulled up in a sarcastic smile "I could probably be a wonderful coach for a boxer. I know all the moves…" she tried, vainly to lighten the heavy mood, but Carlisle only felt repulsion for a man who could do such things to woman. To his Esme nonetheless, because she was so sweet and gentle.

"But then, finally, War exploded and Charles was called to serve the homeland. For me, it was a relief, I spent the most wonderful months of my life. Until his return. He returned and was left without a job, no more money, and he wanted me. He abused me, hit me, and in the end, graced me with the honor of be the one to carry his child." Carlisle forced himself to not gasp, or wide his eyes, or say something.

He was shocked at the least: he had just found out the woman he saved, bring to a new life, educated, loved and wanted to marry, not only was already married, but she had a child. A child. He suddenly felt a little…well, more than a little, jealous of that man, that Charles who get the privilege to have her as his wife, in his life, in his bed, and the miracle of having a child, life in its most pure expression, with her, and threw it all away. But the worse thing was that she didn't want him, yet he get to have her. She wanted Carlisle, or at least he thought she did, and then he couldn't have her.

"But he was getting unbearable. The situation was insufferable, I didn't want my child to live in a house full of violence and hatred. It was not like what I had pictured for his entrance in the world. Just think, he thought the child wasn't even his, and he almost beat me to death" she said, smiling sadly, reliving all those horrible moments. "So I did the only possible thing. When Charles was out I escaped the prison I called home, and then I went to a cousin's of mine in Milwaukee, but I didn't stay long. I wanted independence, something I could obtain only if I was on my own. So I relocated to Ashland, where you found me. My pregnancy was coming to end, and I was so excited…" she said the last part longingly and desperately at the same time, reliving a pain Carlisle could feel as if his own "I went to all the doctors visits, I never did anything that could compromise the health of my baby. Finally came the day of the delivery, and the people I lived with" she bent her head at the ground "I lived in a kind of hotel, you could call it now, nothing improper. Well, In a way…" she trailed off once again.

"Anyway, I delivered, with much pain I might add, but it seemed that everything went well. Only the doctor, the doctor I went to and visited me and my child for many months, discovered my poor baby had a lung infection. A lethal one." She turn her head to the woods, making impossible for Carlisle to see her face. "You can't live without lungs" she smiled sadly, finally facing him and looking at his face. Never in his eyes.

"The desperation for the loss of my Thomas, I had to name him for the death certificate, was too much to bear. I haven't live a happy life, as you can see: my parents practically sold me to the best offer, my husband did everything but love me, and the only thing that kept me alive, that gave a reason to fight for survive in that world, was suddenly taken away from me. Leaving me alone" she sighed soundly and heavily, trying to control all those emotions that were resurfacing.

"So I decided to throw myself off that cliff. No one would have looked for me, or would have missed me, for I had nobody in this world anymore" she stopped and then smiled, a smile that held the notes of happiness, rather than sadness, and looked at him straight in the eye, sending shivers through his body.

"But, I'm happy to say, my plan didn't go as I intended. I'm very grateful to you Carlisle, you not only saved me, but you gave a better life, one I love dearly, where I can finally be me. Be happy and that's all because of you." She concluded "Although, I have to admit, at the start the idea of continuing to live, not to be able to escape the pain, was petrifying, but I discovered you were an excellent anesthetic." She said, laughing slightly, touching his hand and squeezing it.

"I didn't say no to you. You have to understand that, I want nothing more than to spent the rest of eternity to you. Hell we lost so much time already!" she exclaimed. "But when you proposed, I thought about my marriage, and that scared me, because it's the only way that I know marriage to be." she said.

Carlisle opened his mouth to protest, to reassure her it won't be the same, he loved her, he would cherish her like the most precious of all treasures, that he would never hurt her physically nor emotionally, and if he ever did the last one, it would not be on purpose but by a horrible mistake of his flawed mind and passionate heart. But she stopped him before he even had the chance to start, clasping a cold hand over his mouth.

"No , please let me finish. I later thought that all this didn't count. My life has been haunted enough when I was alive, I can't let it control me now too. It's time I take the matter into my own hands and start life in this existence. I can do what I want. And I want to marry you, to be your wife, and live with you until the end of time. If you still want me, of course…" she trailed off unsurely, biting her lower lip.

Carlisle ran his hand along her cheek to cup her chin. He gently pulled her face up to look into her eyes. They stared at each other for what seemed an eternity both so captivated with the other. Without any warning he captured her in his strong arms.

Carlisle kissed her fervently.

Everything was suddenly right again.


	24. Chapter 24

**An: hello guys.**

**This is the last chapter for this story. I'll put a poll on my profile about the idea of a sequel. If you want it or no.**

**Thanks so much to all the reviewers and readers. Thanks to all who read, reviewed, added this story to list of favourite or alert.**

**Thanks so much to my wonderful Beta: Lizbre.**

**Thanks for all the weeks spent waiting for my updates.**

**I'm really proud of this story, my very first one, becuse, almost a year ago, started as a oneshot. i really had no intention of continue it. And now, here's chapter 24.**

**To you all.**

**Happy reading and thanks again.**

**Please review and vote.**

**Oh, one last thing. Benvenuta, means Welcome.**

**Baci**

**Marta**

* * *

Tick, tock

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

That was the rhythm. The perpetual and constant beat of the life, of time.

That was the sound made by the ancient wall clock in the little room while Esme paced up and down the minuscule space.

Her feelings were very different and conflicted between each other: on one hand, she wanted the clock to speed up, on the other, she wanted it to stop completely.

But, as it was, and still is, commonly known, time is relative, a mere invention that serve to us, poor men, to sustain our illusion of control of everything, of an apparent order in our life. Silly dreamers.

The dress wasn't too pompous, but it still wasn't the most comfortable thing ever. She tried to choose it so as not to seem one of them… and she succeeded, up to a point. There was no way to bury evidence. It was impossible.

She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds around her. The birds, the rusting of the leaves, the laughs of children, the steps of the man. The only man beside them in the small, out of town building. The only man besides the three of them.

Who knows where Edward was at that very moment? Esme longed to know, to run out and search for him, because if she found Edward, she would find him too. But she couldn't. and she knew it. Those were the rules.

So she picked up her blue pin and put it on the jacket of her dress. It was really beautiful, something Carlisle gave her for Christmas as a present.

She then picked gently at the bracelet Edward gave to her. A simple and fine silver chord with attached a pendant, diamond heart. It was truly a masterpiece. And she put it on, gently hidden under the hem of the cuff of the jacket. She wanted the dress to fit her a little…not loosely, but softly.

Then proceeded in adjusting her hair with a comb she bought the previous day, it has a triangular shape, and decorated with wonderful pearls and crystals in various forms.

Now, she was ready. Something new, something blue, and something old.

And still, the wedding was two hours away. She sighed and sat up straight as ever, on the chair.

* * *

Pace. Pace. Step, step, step.

Up and down, up and down. Left, right, right, left.

"Please stop, you're giving me headache!" Edward hollered from his position on the chair, watching intently Carlisle's incessant pacing.

"I'm sorry Edward. I'm just so nervous. What if she has second thoughts? She wasn't so convinced with the marriage idea…what if she decide she isn't so sure anymore?" Carlisle asked himself and Edward. He was scared he would be left at the altar. And then he was nervous too.

Sure, during his centuries in this world he has seen many couple married, but he really didn't know the dynamics, the emotions. Married life was so foreign, so alien to him. He never experienced it so he really didn't know what to expect. And then, human marriages were so different. How many times a wife would reproach her husband for coming home late and drunk? How many times she would be angry because he didn't listen to her? How many times a husband would be unsatisfied because his wife wasn't beautiful or available enough for him?

The problem was that in their life, things like that will never occur.

Esme will never get old, or fat, or ugly, or despotic. Not that he would love her any less. And he won't be drunk, or irresponsible. It simply wasn't in their nature.

At the same time, though, he knew fairly well things wouldn't always go smoothly. Nobody has everything go smoothly. There's always some sort of obstacle, that stop the perfect path of life and relationships.

And then, if things go too smoothly, it always means a great pain is coming. Tragedy always strikes at the right moment.

"Please, don't be so melodramatic" Edward interjected in his internal monologue, exasperated, rolling his eyes at the ceiling, putting his head in his hands.

Carlisle stopped his pacing, his head whipping to face him "Stop?" he said, as if the word was an insult "Stop?" he repeated, looking vaguely into the emptiness.

Edward lifted his head and looked at him tentatively "Carlisle?" he asked, unsure.

"Stop" the vampire repeated, and started laughing hysterically. "Stop!" he said between intakes of air "He tells me to stop" he said. Then he stopped abruptly and turned to Edward, now serious and slightly angry "How can I stop Edward?!" he yelled.

Edward stood up from his chair, took Carlisle's arm and invited him to sit. "C'mon Carlisle. Relax. Don't worry, everything will be fine. You love Esme and she loves you. You don't have to worry about a thing." He said, trying to soothe him.

Carlisle sighed "Do you really think so Edward?" he asked, searching for comforting words.

The boy nodded firmly "Absolutely" he said. "And, since you won't stop worrying I'll leave you alone for some time, while I visit you're beautiful wife-to-be. Since, cursed traditions dictate, you can't" he said jokingly.

Carlisle smiled "Go, you that have that luck. I hate you at this moment Edward. Very much so".

Edward smiled crookedly and opened the door, never turning to face Carlisle while saying loudly "I know, my old one, I know" and with that he exited the room.

Well, the time left to wait wasn't so long.

Less than before.

Only one hour and fifty nine minutes.

* * *

There was a knock on the door that drew back Esme from her trance like state. It was getting bad.

Another knock and she realized she didn't opened the door.

She got up and started for the door while mentally asked herself "Who could possibly be?"

"Edward" the young boys voice came from the outside, bringing immediately a smile on her frowning face.

She opened the door, anxious to see a familiar and comforting face "Oh Edward !" she said and hugged him tightly.

He widened his eyes at this abrupt gesture "Oh God Esme, what's the matter?" he asked, while at the same time closing the door and rubbing her back, an attempt to calm her a little.

"I'm scared Edward" she said now sitting on his knees as if a small little child who had a nightmare "I'm so scared, and I feel so alone" she said in a small voice, that made his heart wrench. "What if this ends up exactly like my first marriage? What if we aren't meant for this? Do you know how many people lives for many years perfectly, and then they marry and Bam" she said loudly "everything falls to pieces. What if I don't love him anymore? I know it's impossible, but maybe…" she then took and sharp intake of breathe "What if he doesn't love me anymore! Oh God, Oh God!" she cried, burying her head in Edward's shoulder. Esme shouldn't feel this way, and, would it have been anyone else and another situation, he would have tried to encourage them to be strong. But he knew all she really needed was someone to reassure her of things she already knew, and simply exorcising some of her fears. And so he did so.

He tried to comfort her, even if he knew the only person she wanted, the only person capable of doing so, wasn't him, but another Cullen man. "Shh, there, there Esme. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. You two are made for each other. And if you aren't meant for marriage, then I really cannot fathom who is!" he said, his voice as velvet as possible. "Please, you have to set aside your fears and past. You were so calm yesterday, why did this suddenly change?" he asked and he immediately read the answer.

Yesterday there was Carlisle with her, his presence was enough to reassure her and calm her. He made her feel strong and capable to do anything. But now that she could not see him, or speak to him, the dark side, the bad side, the negative thoughts were taking control.

"I see" he said, and then smiled his special smile "Well, I wish he would, he could, come her to sooth you, but, unfortunately, he can't. That's tradition. And then, we wouldn't want to add to your stress and fears the one of bad luck, now, would we?" he asked laughing.

She laughed with him, leaning her forehead against his "Thanks Edward. I wouldn't know what I would do without you. Thank you. For everything." She said, sincerely.

He looked at her with his big ochre eyes, than, for once, seemed truly moved by something "It was my pleasure, Esme. You deserve this, and are both more than welcome" he said, getting up and now heading for the door.

"The babysitter is going to calm the other one now" he said jestingly to Esme, who laughed lightly.

"Go and kiss him for me" she said and added, seeing Edward's disgusted face "on the cheek" .

He nodded and, before going out of the small white room, reproached "I'll demand the same comprehension and wonderful treatment when I marry, or fall in love with someone" he said, on his face a perfect fake scold "You two, owe me huge" he said mischievously, before swiftly closing the door behind him.

She sighed, still amused at Edward.

Boys will be boys.

* * *

"Are you sure she's alright?" Carlisle asked anxiously Edward for the fifth time.

Edward slumped in his seat "Yes, Carlisle, yes!" he said exasperated by the man. He'll never marry, he promised himself, he'll never reduce himself like that. Somebody should have warned him that things change…

He rose his eyebrows "You're sure? One hundred percent sure?" he asked for the last time.

"Yes, Carlisle" Edward answered annoyed "Or I'm not a vampire anymore" he stated.

Carlisle, even if it wasn't yet convinced, decided to allow him some rest, while he started dreaming about his and Esme's new life. He couldn't wait for the celebration, and then they'll have a very special "reception" and then they'll go for their wonderful honeym--

Carlisle gasped. Honeymoon? He hadn't thought of it! Oh, God. He can't go on a honeymoon. He isn't….well…let's say…prepared,yes, prepared for an honeymoon. While Esme knows what to expect, because she's more…experienced than him. The situation was slightly embarrassing. The blushing bride is more experienced than the groom. The blushing groom. What a blow to Carlisle's ego. It was humiliating.

He didn't know what to do. And then, he couldn't ask for help, because Edward doesn't know anything about this, because he never did it either. And then he wondered, what if for vampires it was different?

"I, but that's only my humble and mere opinion, think I know more than you about this subject" Edward interceded, looking at the ceiling, relaxed on the chair, his long legs stretched before him.

Carlisle arched and eyebrow "Well, I too know the dynamics of it Edward. I'm a doctor, in case you forgot. But this is different, I-"

"But, in case you forgot" Edward interrupted sarcastically, mocking him "I can read minds Carlisle, and, believe me, women and men thinks about it very often, more often than you could imagine" he said smirking, finally looking at him "So?" he asked "Want a piece of advice?".

He was devil. Absolutely, Carlisle thought, before answering his propose.

* * *

The organ started to play the march.

She could have sworn her legs were trembling, while she walked, trying her best not to run to him, to the altar. It was pretty ironic, if you thought about it. Two vampires, with another one as best man of the groom, were getting married in a church sacred to God. The irony. Luckily, there was Edwards's arm to hold to. She didn't have a father anymore, and Edward was more than she could have asked for.

Finally, she reached Carlisle, who smiled reassuringly at her and took her hand. Edward said he was scared too, could it be so? Now he seemed perfectly at ease. But then, she reminded herself, Carlisle was one of the calmest people she ever met, he was mature, a real adult while, in comparison, she was a helpless child. And he choose her. He could have had anyone, but he waited over two hundred years, just for her.

That thought only made her surer of her decision. He won't be like Charles. Her life will be different, full of love and understanding. Sure, happiness hasn't come instantly, she had to walk and hard path, but in the end she reached it. It was all worth it.

The minister started talking and she concentrated on what he was saying, she didn't want to miss a word, she wanted to savor the moment, impress it in her mind so she would remember it forever.

The rite was sweet and beautiful, the most delicate thing she had ever witnessed, his peak the moment when she and Carlisle exchanged the fine, gold wedding bands, the most exciting, nervous, petrifying, wondrous and glorious moment in her life.

"And I pronounce you husband and wife" the grey and skinny priest said, smiling at them warmly "You may kiss the bride" he motioned to Carlisle, who proceeded to kiss Esme straight away.

They then slowly came out of the little church, where a smiling Edward started to throw rice at them "Viva gli sposi!" he shouted happily and silly.

Esme was cleaning herself from the rice and asked Carlisle, confused "What does that mean? What is he saying ?" she said, laughing, for Carlisle had given up searching the grains of rice dispersed all over his body.

"He's saying, my dear, that he's very happy for us" he laughed "Well, more or less" he continued.

"Oh" she nodded, awed, "And what language is this?" she asked.

"Italian" he answered, while sliding an arm around her waist, guiding her toward the Rolls Royce, where the driver, Edward, was waiting for them, the backseat doors open "But don't worry, wife" he grinned at the word, kissing her fully but quickly "You'll learn it without problems" he stated.

Esme giggled, excited for her new status of wife, and surprised to feel that even if this wasn't her first time as married woman, it seemed so. And that pleased her immensely, giving her the security that Carlisle was the right man for her. And then it dawned on her "Wait? Why should I learn it? And what do you mean soon?" she asked while he helped her entering the car, after hushing Edward away.

"Well, how can you go around in Italy without knowing properly the language?" he asked, a glint in his eyes.

She raised her eyebrows "Well, I don't know, but I don't plan to go in Italy soon, so why should it bother me?" she asked.

"Because" he started, taking her hand and caressing her with his lips, not closing the door of the car "We're going there now" and he kissed her palm, while Esme was awestruck. She hadn't packed anything!!

"Already done" said Edward from the front.

"I love you Carlisle" she said, looking sweetly at him, while he closed the door.

"Me too Esme. I really hope you'll enjoy our new life together." he said and Edward started the car.

"Welcome to our new life Mrs. Cullen" Carlisle announced while hugging her "Benvenuta" he translated.

And so they speed to the airport.


End file.
